Hello Admin, please I’m a 19 year old guy who entered University just this year. I want to share my story and ask for help from my big brothers and sisters on the page. We are four children, and I’m the last born on my father’s side. When I was very young, like 2 years, my parents divorced and my two big brothers went to stay with our father. Me and my sister stayed with mum. So they divided us 2-2. I was too young to understand, but per the stories I was hearing, my mother was cheating with a certain man and my father found out about it and it caused their divorce. My mother didn’t have anywhere to go so he moved in with the man he was cheating on my dad with so it wasn’t a secret. Like people knew.
She got pregnant with the man and they gave birth to a girl. I am 3 years older than her but the man also has two children from another woman already. When we grew up small, the man and my mum did an engagement and they are still together as I am speaking now. When my mum moved in with my step father, he was in a single room and all 5 of us were in the same room. We’re still in the same room though. Thus my mother and her two children from another marriage, my step dad and the daughter both of them conceived. Even sometimes my step dad’s two children were joining us in the single room but mostly they were with their mother. All the children used to lie on the floor and our parents where on the bed.
One midnight, I was like 7. I woke up in the middle of the night and I saw my mum and stepdad having s*x. There was no light in the room but the street light from across the street faced our window and everything was just clear. Where I was lying on the ground was dark so they didn’t know I was awake and I was lying down quietly watching them. I was only 7 years. I didn’t know anything about s*x so the first time I saw it, I was confused and I didn’t know what to do. Unfortunately for me, I have always been a light sleeper and anytime they start I wake up and watch. The room was hot so they don’t use a blanket to even cover themselves because kids were in the room and it was just crystal clear. I used to hear all the things they were saying to each other during the act in twi and it aroused a great desire in me. I became very curious to know why they were making those sounds.
It didn’t happen every evening and I noticed that anytime my stepfather comes from work drunk, it will happen. Now looking back, it was a very careless thing they did because they were acting as if there was no child in the room. This thing continued for years and my parents didn’t suspect a single thing. When I was around 11, I started playing with my p*nis when they start doing it. I had heard about m*sturbation from a classmate and so I started doing it anytime my parents were having s*x on the bed. Then when I was like 14 years, my biological dad bought me a phone and that made things even worse. I started filming them when they’re doing it and then later on I will m*sturbate to it in the toilet. I had so many videos of them that my phone’s memory even got full. But it was around that time that I realised that I wasn’t attracted to any girl apart from my mother or her agemates.
When I’m h*rny, it is my mother’s body I imagine. I have seen them so much that when I close my eyes, I can recall how my stepdad sucks her breasts and plays with it and how she moans. I’m sorry for describing it in such details but as a child this has really affected me. When my age mates talk about young girls, I don’t feel anything for them. Mostly I can see an older woman like my mother’s body type with a lot of breast and I will get an erection right away. Now, my parents don’t have s*x as often as they used to. Even if they do, I’m mostly on campus. But how I got introduced to s*x at 7 years has affected my sexuality in a weird way. I can see an old couple walking like my parents age and I will get an erection. Sometimes I look at an older man and just imagine how he knacks his wife and I get an erection.
I’m not aroused by any girl around my age. But older women and sometimes men who are 40+ arouse me. I can randomly strip them in my mind and imagine them having s*x and my p*nis will be so hard it will be throbbing. As for the m*sturbation, it has gotten so bad that I can’t sleep without it. I always have to go to the toilet at night to watch videos of two elderly people doing it before I can feel okay. I can’t do it on the bed because there’s no privacy in the hostel. I don’t even know if any of my siblings saw my parents at one time too because they were not quiet with their s*x and I just hope none of them saw it. I have brought this issue here because I don’t know where else to take it or who to talk to. I don’t have a friend I can trust with this secret. I still have a lot of videos of my parents doing it on an old phone of mine and I still get aroused by it once a while. But now, I watch more p*rn of old men and old women in it. If I don’t see such, I can’t get hard. Sometimes if it’s just the old woman doing solo, I won’t get hard unless there is an old man kancking her. Please admin and followers what should I do? I have never had s*x or had a girlfriend. It’s just this weird fantasy I am keeping and the m*sturbation. Please I will be reading comments on what you think I should do. God bless you.