As I write this, it’s 4 am and I haven’t slept a wink. I’m a successful businessman who travels a lot. I have two lovely kids, a boy and a girl and a wife who loves me. We’re doing well for ourselves and the kids are our priority. We are investing in them so that they even do better than us. My son is 16 and I have a lot of hope in him that one day when I’m not here, he can take over. Since he was born, I have been trying to prepare him to know what I expect of him. We have enrolled these kids in very good schools and they have private teachers at home as well. I didn’t come from a rich home. My parents were poor and I have gotten here through blood, sweat and tears and God’s grace so I wouldn’t want any of my kids to lose what my wife and I have taken years to build.
Now here’s the catch. I returned from South Africa a few days ago only to be informed by my wife that our 16 year old son has impregnated two girls in our church. One of them is 18 years and we’re not yet sure about the other girl’s age, but she appears to be more mature than our boy. The news was so astonishing to me that I initially thought it was a prank to see my reaction. But the worried look on my wife’s face confirmed it. I arrived late and I was tired, but I couldn’t wait till morning to talk to him. I went to his room and his mother followed. When we started talking, my son didn’t even try to apologize or show any remorse for what he had done. He told us he didn’t rape any of the ladies. It was consensual and it’s not his fault that he was from a rich home and the ladies were all over him at church. I gave him a hot slap and if not for the intervention of his mother, I would have given him another.
The next day, I cancelled all my plans and personally went to visit the families of the two ladies. Both of them were not showing yet and I’m a pro-lifer so abortion was off the table. The first lady, the one who is 18 years is a fresh SHS graduate and her parents were very disturbed. They gave me a lot of respect because we attend the same church and I have helped them financially in the past, but it wasn’t easy for her parents to keep their cool. I gave them my word that I will ensure that their daughter continues her schooling after delivery and I will take care of her and the baby. The girl’s mother couldn’t hide her anger at some point and she started talking about how it wasn’t fair that my son will sit in the comfort of his home and his parents will come and face the shame for him.
She was angry, it is understandable. I would have done worse if I was in her situation. Thankfully, she calmed down when I told her that my son was in school and I’ll make sure he makes time to come and see them personally. We then drove to the house of the second girl. She wasn’t familiar to me at all and neither was she familiar to my wife. She’s a thick-tall lady with an hour glass shape and evidently older than my son. Probably 24 or 25 years. I was just wondering how such a lady was able to have s*x with a 16 year old boy. Granted, my son is tall and mature for his age, but I still find it very unusual. I mean aren’t there more mature men that will suit her age? Her parents were very rude to us. They started making demands and saying we should send 7K a month for her upkeep and add additional money for diapers and baby clothes and accessories. Meanwhile, her belly wasn’t even showing yet. We didn’t settle on anything in the end because they refused to see reason. 7k was just ridiculous.
Right now, I am trying to navigate this complex issue without offending any of the girls’ families. I spoke extensively with my son and he confessed to having unprotected s*x with the two ladies on many occasions and with other ladies too. He was also giving them a part of the weekly allowance I gave him. He was getting money from his mother too, something I didn’t know of until recently and with this, he was just giving them out to these girls. He claims he always gave them money to buy pills after the act and he has been sneaking them into the house all this while without our knowledge. I have grounded him indefinitely and taken away his devices except his phone. I have also cut off all his allowances. He attends an International School in Ghana and they use the British curriculum, so sometimes he needs his laptop for school assignments. Those are the only exceptions.
My dad is 88 and still very sharp and active. I needed some wise counsel because I feel like I have failed as a parent. The old man said I should let my son come and stay in the village during school vacations to learn the hard life. My lawyer suggests I should start using the cane on him. Something I have never done before. In fact that slap was my first. My wife and I ground our kids and we thought it was effective. A friend of mine who is a business associate is advising me to fly my son out of the country, but I want him here so I can keep an eye on him. Everyone is giving me advice on how to treat my kids going forward. I am just clueless right now. I don’t want his 13-year-old sister to follow in his promiscuity.
What are some practical ways to discipline a child without destroying his self-esteem? Why do some of our kids disgrace us like that? Upon all the sacrifices I have made to make my family comfortable I’m not even sure I know my son anymore. I’ve been reading the stories on the page and I decided to write mine partly to ask for advice and just to talk about it. I want candid comments. Do you guys think I have spoilt my kids based on what you’ve read? My wife thinks I’m being too hard on myself, but who is to blame when a child goes astray if not his father? Even now, he thinks I’m mean and insensitive for grounding him and making sure he doesn’t go anywhere after school, not even to the court to play bball. Can we discuss this in the comments?
PS: I have planned to do a DNA on the two babies when they’re born. Just to be sure. You can never be certain these days.