We’ve been married for 20 years with a 19 year old daughter and a 17 year old son. Our two children are outside the country and we travel a lot ourselves. He’s turning 48 in November and I’m 44. We started our marriage on a loving note. We made promises to ourselves and those promises have proven to be vain because we have both messed up and have come clean to each other. He started an affair with one of our househelps. The girl in question has a 13 year old daughter with my husband. When she got pregnant, my husband wanted her to abort, but she refused. My husband’s constant persuasion and threats to the househelp to abort forced her to inform her parents about the pregnancy and they came directly to let me know that my husband had planted his seed in her.
I was devastated. I almost divorced him because of this. I’m very capable of taking care of myself and my two children on my own. It took a lot of effort of elders from my husband’s side of the family to make me stay. My parents left the final decision to me and they told me they will respect any choice I make. Whether to divorce my cheating husband or to stay in the marriage. I was so hurt that I left my husband’s house and went to stay in the boys quarters of my parents’ house. I needed space and my husband had to respect it. I turned to alcohol and smoking to numb the pain and I was clubbing every weekend. Along the line, I had this on and of fling with one of the club guys who was selling weed to me. It lasted a few months until I came to my senses and realized that I was several years older than the guy and I was still married.
He was with me because of money and I ended everything I had with him and stopped clubbing. One day, I just packed out of home and went back to my husband’s house. I came clean and told him everything I had done and we promised to move on from the mess we had created for ourselves. My husband has some houses he has rented out and we both agreed that it was best we gave out one of our two bedrooms to the househelp and her family to stay in with the baby. So we did that. She was also receiving monthly money to take care of the child. Afterwards, we travelled outside and things got really worse. The US is just a crazy place. I started partying out, f*king multiple young guys of all races and sizes. My husband and I were arguing everyday and somehow we both knew we were cheating but we didn’t care.
We were practising an open marriage without acknowledging and labelling it as such. My husband’s sister lives in the US and she took us in for a while. Our kids started schooling over there and the environment became a stable one for them so we decided to let them stay and for them to be visiting us in Ghana during summer. We came back to Ghana and the arguments became just unbearable. He wasn’t giving me attention and he thought giving me money was enough to make me happy. He will go out and come home at midnight smelling of alcohol and a woman’s perfume. I started going out too and getting myself some d*ck. Then when we couldn’t bear it any longer, we both came clean and told ourselves we wouldn’t cheat again.
My husband loves travelling, so anytime we patch up, he would want us to travel. So we went to Dubai and I wished we didn’t. I can’t remember every face and the multiple s*x partners I had in Dubai. We’re in Ghana now. After 20 years of marriage, we have gone through this same cycle again and again. My husband thinks we should just divorce and live the way we want because it doesn’t look like we want to stop. I suggested an open marriage. I mean it’s not as if we haven’t been doing that for years. But he says there’s no future in that and we should stop deceiving ourselves. He has told me that he has three young girls he is f*king right now besides me and he knows he’s not the only s*xual partner I have so we should just get a divorce. We’re both on Prep so we’re not scared about HIV.
I don’t want to divorce him because the weird thing is, I think I still love him. S*x and love are not the same. The fact that I have s*x with multiple guys doesn’t mean I don’t love him. I’m writing so much now, but I just want to know what to do. Just in case any of the readers will think I’m with him for the money, that’s not the case. Both of us are well-to-do and I will even receive more money and property if I divorce him, but that’s not the case. He is my husband despite everything and I still want a chance to save this marriage.