Before I begin, I want to give them names so that I can share the story more easily. These are not their real names. So I and Ben have been friends for a very long time. We were close from our primary school days and we somehow managed to stay in touch when we went to different schools after JHS. We met again on the same University campus and we continued being friends. Ben is a very intelligent guy and he used to sweep awards back in primary and JHS so it wasn’t surprising when I got to know he was doing medicine. We have never dated and people used to tease us that we were in love, but we always said that it will never work because both of us cannot see ourselves that way.
When we met in Uni, I started having feelings for him. I gave him all the signs and I was there for him, checking up on him, even buying him things on his birthday. He was always so friendly and he never made an attempt to propose to me. I read the signs that he will always see me as a friend so I didn’t push it. For my own sanity and to help me heal, I started distancing myself from him because it’s difficult to fall in love with someone and for the person not to feel the same way. It also helped that he got busy with his course and he later moved to UG korle bu campus so the distance helped me heal and move on from him. Along the line, Joe came into the picture. He was my coursemate. We used to just greet each other and pass, but we got close through a group work we were given. He was very different from Ben.
He was very straightforward and open. It didn’t take long for him to tell me he was interested in me and he didn’t mind being friends with me to get to know me more. I honestly wasn’t having feelings for him at that time so I told him I wasn’t interested in him. But because we were coursemates we were spending more time together and I decided to give him a try because I mean, why not? We were in a relationship for almost four years, but after his NSS he got a job in another region. At first we tried to make it work, but we both knew it wasn’t working and we ended it. He is a good guy and despite the whole thing not working, he wanted us to keep being friends but I didn’t want it because it will make me feel more hurt, so I blocked him.
Years later, I met Frank. He is the brother of a work colleague and we met during a Christmas party held for employees and their families. I was thirty-five when I met him and as an African woman going through pressure from family amd society to marry, I accepted him immediately he told me he was interested in me. He was thirty. A year later, he wants us to marry. Both of us are doing well in our jobs and we’re not getting any younger. Now this is the thing: Within the space of three months, Ben and Joe reached out to me through social media. It’s so weird how powerful social media is. If I’m being honest with myself, I never stopped loving Ben. Amongst the three men, he is the one I know through and through. He just wanted to meet and talk and I didn’t see anything wrong with that. We met somewhere and for the first time, he told me he was interested in me.
He had never married and he said my absence in his life made him realize that it’s me he wants and he wants to marry me. Joe on the other hand has been chatting me on Facebook. He has two children with his ex and he says he still loves me. I have told Joe that I’m getting married soon so it won’t work. But I haven’t told Ben about Frank’s marriage proposal. He just knows I’m dating someone. I wish I was marrying him (Ben) and now that he has proposed, he has bothered me. He is the one I love and I haven’t told Frank about him. I don’t want to hurt Frank because he is a good guy and he has already bought the rings for our wedding even though we haven’t set a date yet. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m entangled in the web of three men.