My girl is the shy type and I like her like that. It was one of the reasons I moved to her because she is the opposite of me in that regard. I am the life of the party anywhere I find myself and I organize my friends for night outs and stuff like that. My girl and I have been friends for some time. We got to know each other through a mutual friend. My friend introduced me to her during one of our events and I liked her. She was so shy she couldn’t even dance like all the ladies were dancing and it was clear that she wasn’t used to partying out so I spent the whole night chatting with her and making her feel comfortable. We exchanged contacts that evening and the friendship begun. She never joined us for any of our Friday night partying after that, but once a while she followed us to our holiday beach outings.
She is beautiful, but what I liked more about her was that she was different from all the girls I have been with in the past and she was exactly who I wanted to finally settle with. I know most Ghana girls are after money and will constantly ask for it from their boyfriends. When we started dating, I noticed she wasn’t even asking me for money and it wasn’t a test or anything. She knew how to take care of herself on her own so she didn’t bother me with billing. When I send her something, she shows a lot of gratitude and appreciates it so much it makes me feel good. We started dating just two weeks to my birthday and she was thoughtful enough to buy me a set of workout clothes. I had just said it in passing that I needed to buy some new sportswear for my morning workouts. She remembered and got them for me.
No girl I have ever dated has been as thoughtful as her, I can say that she is perfect for me. The problem is with our intimacy. During the first month of our dating, I didn’t try to have seks with her because I wanted to take things slow. She is not the clubbing type and I didn’t want to rush things with her to spoil my chances of maintaining the relationship, so we were going out to watch movies, going on dates, site seeing and all that. She loved that so we did more of that. After a month of dating, I tried to initiate intimacy and I realized that the moment I started to touch her, she became very stiff. I asked her if there was a problem, and she said no. I touched her again and she begun to shiver and vibrate. It was very bad and it looked like she was scared of me, so I had to stop. I was so disappointed because I was very much in the mood and I had been patient with her at the beginning of the relationship. My girlfriend’s shyness is excessive that even in the bedroom she can’t open up to me.
After that awkward time, I sat her down and asked her if something had happened to her in the past. Initially it was all tears. She didn’t want to talk about it. But gradually I established the fact that she could trust me and she opened up about the sexual abuse she endured as a child from a relative of hers. Since that incident, she had coiled into her shell and had not been intimate with any man until I came into the picture. I told her we would find help and a friend of mine gave me the contact of a clinical psychologist. She started going for sessions and I paid for all that. I will go and drop her and wait for her outside until she is done. My girlfriend has been going for counselling for almost six months now and there has not been the slightest change in her. I have proven to be a good partner by opening up to her about my own struggles and being as free to her as I possibly can.
I undress in front of her and allow her to see me n*ked anytime she visits me. That is how open I am with her. Yet, she cannot even show me a little part of her body. She is always so covered up and she is scared of even taking off her dress to even wear a bra in my room. On top of all that, if we are watching a movie in my room and I just touch her, she will flinch and start shaking. When we walk outside and I touch her, she doesn’t shake, but the moment we’re alone and I do, she starts to shake and cry.
I spoke to her psychologist and she says these things can take time so I should be patient with her. But it’s been six whole months of me paying her to see a psychologist and she is as guarded as the first month we started dating. I have never been this patient with any other girl I have been with and now I don’t know if I’m wasting my time with her. Prior to her coming into my life, I didn’t even know I was capable of going all these months without having seks. I like her a lot, but her inability to allow for intimacy despite the help she is getting from a psychologist is making me wonder if I should let her go. She is 26 and I’m 29. Are there other ways I can approach this issue?