I am marrying in less two weeks. But I’m not sure I want to do this. I’m not sure I love her anymore. We have been together for about four years. We have had a few breakups within those four years but we somehow always find ourselves together again. I know she loves me. At least that’s what she says. But I don’t know if I’m sure about her anymore. I have paid for everything. We’ve bought the rings and every major thing. Calling off the wedding will mean that my money and investment will go through the drain. I’ve heard that it’s normal to develop cold feet when the wedding day is approaching. But this feeling is not just cold feet.
She has one major flaw that I have spoken to her about many times. We have argued over it and I’m wondering if I can live with that for the rest of my life. She is so much of a perfectionist and she never accepts her mistakes. It’s very frustrating. Everything she does is good in her own eyes and when you try to point out her mistakes to her, she gets very defensive and angry. She knows how to gaslight. You will point out a mistake she did and she will turn it on you and blame you. There was a time I went out to watch a football match and I didn’t come home early. There was so much noise at the pub I visited to watch the match that I didn’t know she had called several times. When I got home, I realized she had already made herself at home, cooked food and eaten. She had also left some for me. We don’t stay together yet, but she has a key to my place.
She was so angry with me for not answering her calls that after I had eaten, she quickly snatched the plate from me, saying she will wash it and complaining that she is the most responsible peson I have ever met. In her anger she accidentally dropped the plate and broke it. The plate literally slipped out of her hand, yet she started blaming me. Telling me if I had answered her calls, she wouldn’t have been angry with me to drop the plate at all. Because of this attitude, she and her elder sister are not in talking terms. This is also the same reason why we have broken up a number of times. It is a very difficult thing to be with someone who cannot even see a mistake she does. I know apologising is not easy. Everyone has an ego, but we all try to do it because we love the other person and value the relationship. My fiance is not like that at all.
Now recently, she called me irresponsible in front of her parents just because I forgot to pack the yams we bought for them. They were very surprised as I could easily drive back and get them. I mean it wasn’t a big deal. Her parents were humble enough to apologise to me on their daughter’s behalf. Meanwhile she had stormed off, insulting me. I have told her if she doesn’t change her attitude I will not marry her. She laughed and told me I am completely useless without her and there is no way I can leave her. I have discussed all of this with a married friend of mine. He is older and more mature in matters like these. He knows my wife-to-be and he thinks we should hold on to the marriage for now and continue dating for about a year more so I can make a final decision. The issue is, I am the only child of my parents. They advanced well in age before they had me. I was an answer to their prayer after years of childlessness. I am 36, my mum is in her late 70s and my dad is 80. They want to see their grandchildren grow before they leave this world.
I would have easily impregnated a woman, but these folks are elders in a church and our home is very religious. I have been careful not to bring any disgrace to them. I don’t want to bore you too much with my story. But do you guys think my mature friend’s advice is the best? Should I go on with the wedding which is less than two weeks now or should we try and date a little more to see if she changes or reasons with me? We have done counselling and everything. If I call off the wedding now I would have lost a lot of money but I believe it’s nothing compared to living an unhappy married life.