My dad was cheating. I had known it for a while. As the child, I have kept quiet about it. But apparently, my silence was fueling his behavior. If my mum should have known, maybe he would have shown remorse for his actions and put an end to the cheating. I was sixteen when I first realized he was cheating. I saw images on his phone and the conversations he had had with another lady. The other lady was young, probably in her 20s and the reality of the whole situation was shocking to me. I was even more surprised that my dad was cheating. He and my mum had a very good marriage. I knew they had misunderstandings, but they never argued in front of us. On some instances, you will hear them in their room settling differences. But they never had arguments where voices were raised and insults were hurled.
I am young, but I know that marriages cannot exist without misunderstandings. My mother is a great woman. She has given him four lovely kids. She works and still makes time for home duties. No human is perfect, but my mum does her best to keep the family and make us all happy. So when I saw my dad’s messages, I was very shocked. But I kept it to myself and I didn’t want to be the reason why my parents separate. So I kept the information to myself and rather started to observe my dad. Apparently the many times he received calls and excused himself because it was ‘work-related’ was actually from his mistress. I started observing that he gave a lot of excuses. But my mum trusted him wholeheartedly. He would tell her he had to work on Saturday because he needed to finish some tasks for the week and she would smile and believe him.
I was very close to confronting him many times. But it just wasn’t in me. I couldn’t do it. I should have at least opened up to an elderly person my father respects. Maybe my uncle or a family head would have spoken to him. But this is an African society. Children are always told to mind their own business and not interfere with things pertaining to adults. I thought about all this and decided not to open up to anybody because they would call me disrespectful. I just hoped and prayed that my mother would find out herself or better still, my dad would put an end to his actions.
Just about a year after I saw the chats that proved my dad was cheating, I woke up to a lot of noise coming from my parents room. This was the first time I had heard them arguing. The first time I actually heard my mum scream at my dad. Calling him a cheat and crying at the same time. My dad had transferred an STD to my mum and she had gone to the hospital to confirm it. I don’t know the details of it. But I know it wasn’t HIV. However, it became obvious that my dad had gotten it from one of her mistresses and had given it to my mum. My mum has packed out of the house and she is undergoing treatment. But I feel guilty. I should have at least given her a hint that Daddy was cheating. At least if I had done that, she may have found the truth on her own. I never expected that she would find out this way. That an STD would be the cause of them separating. Now my mum has contracted an STD because of my silence and I feel so guilty.
