I’m facing issues in my marriage and it’s mainly because of how my husband disciplines our kids. My husband’s father was a military man and he was really hard on them. He used to cane them with wire and my husband even has a mark on his back to prove that his dad’s discipline was very brutal. My husband grew up to be very aggressive because of that and there were many times when we were dating that I amost broke up with him because I was scared at his anger. He has never hit me before, but he can punch a wall or something hard like a table or throw things away and that is equally scary. I don’t even want to begin with the verbal abuse. He can call you useless just for forgetting to do something he asked you to.
I don’t blame him for acting that way. The way we are raised greatly affects us and my husband is a clear example of that. One thing that made me stay committed to him was that he always showed remorse and he knew how to accept his faults and ask me to help him. I had never met a man who has asked me to help him with his anger issues before and I found that very humbling of him to do. We haven’t had it all rosy, but we are happy and in love. These days, my husband seldom gets angry and that’s a good thing. The only problem I have with him now is the way he disciplines our two kids. We have an eight year old daughter and an six year old son. My husband is too hard on on the children. He is a perfectionist because of his father and I have seen that he is forcing the perfectionism on the kids.
He canes them for the slightest thing and the moment I start begging, he gets angry at me for stopping him. The kids are always so scared of him and he doesn’t even see it. When they hear his car at the gate, they run and hide and it’s not as if they are playing with him. They are genuinely terrified because he finds faults with them the moment he steps through the door. When it comes to discipline, I have a more lenient approach. I believe that kids should be corrected, not punished. Especially when they are as young as mine. I talk to them and try and understand why they are being naughty sometimes. Many times, their response just let’s me see how innocent they are and I don’t even cane them.
I know this whole issue about beating your child is a debate in Ghana. Everyone has their views on it, but my husband is being too hard on my kids and i’m sure that even those who agree with beating a child will find it excessive. Right now, this issue is the main subject of our argument. I am not a psychologist or a counsellor but I have read enough to know the effects of these things on kids. They can become trauma to the children and create problems in adulthood. I have asked my husband to go and see a therapist to help him because he is acting like his late dad and I don’t want my kids to grow up and become bitter towards him. He tries to buy them things they like, but I have noticed that they are more expressive and they share more things with me than him.
They like to chat more with me and ask me more questions than their father and I don’t want this to continue. I had a very good and healthy relationship with my father and I would like that to transfer to my kids. I need suggestions because it is quite obvious that my husband doesn’t listen when I talk to him. I think he is being too hard on them, he thinks I am too lenient on them.