I’m a 21 year old final year student in one of the private Universities in Ghana and I am sharing this story to ask for help. The thing is, I live with my mum and dad and two younger siblings. My father also adopted his younger sister’s daughter when we were kids. My aunt is not financially stable and it was dad’s way of helping her with the burden of raising her daughter as a single mum. When my cousin came to live with us, she was around 6 or 7 years and she is the same age as I am. We have practically grown up together up until now. We go to the same university, but she does a different course. My parents have raised us all equally and only her surname shows that she is not my sister.
We used to play with one particular neighbour. I remember we used to go to his house right after school. We will go there and go and watch cartoons and it was just him and his elder brothers at home. His parents came home late just like mine. There was a day we went to his house and he told us he will show us something. He pulled out a cd and inserted it into the DVD. That was the first time I saw p*rn and we were 12 years. I was intrigued and so were my friend and cousin. That was the first time I started playing with myself in a s*xual way. The image was very clear in my mind and I would imagine it and m*sturbate with it. Later my cousin and I started playing with ourselves. She will stroke my p*nis and I’ll insert my finger in her. We were 13 or 14.
It started as two innocent kids who were exploring and curious. Right now, it is far more than that. We shouldn’t have gone to different SHS because I feel like spending those months away from each other heightened our feelings for each other and anytime we came home for vac, we had s*x several times. I was the one who broke her virginity in JHS and both of us have dated different guys but we always end up back together. We even have s*x with each other when we’re dating other people. Currently, I have been dating a girl for 7 months. She is a normal cool girl, but nothing can be compared to my cousin. She was the first girl I ever knew in a s*xual way and I feel like we have this very strange bond. There was a time after SHS when she went to stay with her dad for some months. We both couldn’t stay away from each other.
She was sneaking back into our house in the midnight for s*x. Now we’re in the same school and non-resident as well. We have s*x at least once every single day. It has become so normal that sometimes we don’t even talk much. We just check to see if my parents are home and we go into my room, lock the door and play music to drown any noise. The way the house is, my parents room are at the far end and that’s why they don’t hear us or haven’t caught us all these years. My parents see us as siblings so even though we are very close, they see it as a good thing. Afterall we are agemates and we attend the same school. So if she’s with me in my room chatting, there is nothing suspicious about that.
Sometimes I think about how close we are and it scares me a bit. She broke up with her ex because she said he is not me and I am the only one he pictures during s*x. The scary thing is that I experience the same thing. I can be having s*x with my girl and I will be imagining my cousin. If not, I’ll just lose interest in the whole thing. My life will end the day my mum or dad finds out about what we’ve been doing for years. I don’t know if this is the right platform to share this, but I just need help because as a Christian, sleeping with my cousin is not a good thing and I can’t marry her in the future, but I can’t stop having s*x with her. Please any help?