I am grieving. Everything feels like a dream to me. I wake up wondering if what I’m going through is real. My fiance and I have made so many plans together. For the past four years, she has stuck by me through thick and thin and I know our wedding planning and everything pertaining to the wedding was stressful. But I didn’t know that the stress could affect her so much to take her to her grave. I still cannot understand why sicknesses like blood pressure which used to affect the old and the aged are now affecting young people. My woman had high blood pressure and when the doctors told her to start taking the medications she said she won’t do it because she was only 25 years and she saw how her mum took it every single day. She didn’t want to be on medication for the rest of her life.
She’s now gone, all the plans we made have become nothing. Doctors said her sugar level also shot up suddenly and she lost her life at just 28 years and exactly one month to our wedding. Many people claim her death was not medical. They claim spiritual forces have chased her all through her life. Her mother who has both diabetes and high blood pressure is alive and still strong. She has followed doctors directives to the latter and she is a very health-conscious and picky eater. I wish my fiance had done same. Now my fiance’s people are saying that per their customs and traditions, I should wear her the ring I have already bought for her. They claim it is tradition and if I don’t comply by that the spirit of my late fiance will haunt me and she herself will forever be restless because her dying wish was to wear our wedding ring and her wedding gown. They also claim that if one loses her mum or dad, the children are obligated to give their dead parent a ring to journey with, so my situation is normal. I don’t understand what is going on because I cannot even sleep at night. I am not a superstitious person, so I know that it is normal to dream about a loved one who has departed. Especially considering the circumstance of her departure
Meanwhile, my man of God is saying the complete opposite of what the family is saying. He believes we need to pray in order to break the bond that was between my fiance and me. He claims we are tied spiritually especially since we were almost married and we had had sex many times. The pastor is also giving his own directives. My own family has been passive in all of this. They want me to deal with the issue like a man but I feel like just running away from all of this pain and starting life somewhere because I cannot believe my woman has just left me with all the plans we have made. The family is saying I will not say any vows to the corpse but I should wear her the same ring we have bought for the wedding.
What I also find to be strange is that the funeral date has been set for what was supposed to be our wedding day. I don’t know why the family will do this. I used to smoke weed in my teens and early 20s but I stopped. Just within this week, I started getting high again because it numbs my pain and helps with the suicide tendencies. It also makes me sleep better. I wish I can mention my fiance’s tribe, but I don’t want to do that. If this had not happened to me, I would have never known that people actually practice this. I feel broken.
