I have been through a lot in my life. Even though I’m still young, I feel like life hasn’t been good to me at all. I never knew my father because he did not accept me as his own when my mother was pregnant. Then when I was about 14 years, I met him once at a function. It was the first and only time I saw him because although he said I looked like him, he never showed me any affection or reached out to me. He died a few years later and my mum didn’t even bother to take me to his funeral because my name was never added to that of his legitimate children. Now looking back, I have realised that the need for a father drove me to my first boyfriend. We were both young and naive in SHS. I don’t blame him for breaking my virginity and ignoring me because that painful experience would lead me to meet my second boyfriend who would eventually become my first husband.
I believe he and I were too young to marry. But at that time we both thought we were sure of what we were doing. He impregnated me after SHS. I was in a vocational school, he was in a remedial school trying to better his passes and enter a university. His father was the one who said my then boyfriend had brought shame to the family so we had to marry immediately. We did a simple engagement and went to sign the certificates later. I was 20 years, he was 21. I came to stay with him in the single room in his family house. That was where I had our daughter. My husband’s uncle was a spare parts dealer at Abossey Okai. My husband started working with him and he was paying him monthly. The money wasn’t enough, but we were managing. When my daughter was 2, I divorced my husband. I had seen all the signs of cheating right from the onset. But I was praying and hoping he will change.
He came into my life when my SHS boyfriend had just left me and I was vulnerable. I don’t think any of us were in love. He filled a void in me at that time and I had to accept that he never really loved me. The last straw was when one of his mistresses came to visit him. He didn’t tell her he was married and he had no idea she knew his house. I had had enough. My mother was behind me this time and the marriage was annulled. The child was with me but his father was sending him money for upkeep. I stopped the vocational school when I got pregnant. My mother’s sister took me to the seasmstress who sews her clothes to teach me sewing. I finished the work there and started sewing small small from home because renting a kiosk or container was expensive and I couldn’t afford.
Also around that time, my mother’s BP shot up. She was going to the market when she just collapsed. She died three days later. I can’t put in words the pain I went through after my mum’s absence. But I tried to move on. I met my second husband at one of my daughter’s P.T.A meetings. My daughter was 6 and in class one. He came to sit by me. He thought I was my daughter’s elder sister. The truth is, even though I gave birth early, I also look younger than my age. He was a 34 year old divorcee. His marriage had only lasted for four years and they had gone their separate ways. I was 26 at that time. I wasn’t really interested in him at first. I was fully focused on taking care of my daughter. But slowly he inched himself into my life and we married three years later. His son and my daughter were in the same class. Our marriage was not really bad, but it wasn’t special too. He wanted me to be like his ex-wife. He had called me by her name many times and I never felt like he truly saw me for who I was.
I endured that marriage for five years. Two girls came out of it. But in the end, he wanted a divorce more than I did. I was 34 years with three girls from two failed marriages. I was done with marriage. I wanted to focus on my work and raise my daughters. I won’t paint their fathers in a bad light. My second huband got a shop for me and my sewing business has not been so bad. He also pays the fees of his daughters. I only pay that of my first daughter. I have developed a phobia for marriage. The dating period is so nice and full of bliss, but the moment you start staying together, you see a lot of flaws in your partner. Now, I’m a 37-year-old woman. A church member has been chasing me for years. He is a widower. He wants to marry me. He has known me for many years and he was even present during my second wedding. His wife was alive then. He is a very God-fearing man. But my two ex-husbands were also good men and yet the marriages didn’t work.
I know the things people say behind my back. Some say that I cannot keep a man. Even relatives gossip. I don’t want to have a third failed marriage. The problem is, I don’t even know what love is anymore. I thought I loved my two ex-husbands and I was willing to stay with them but yet it didn’t work. My male friend said he won’t give up on me. He knows my story and the heartbreaks I’ve been through and he says he will be here forever. I want to give him a chance. But I am scared. What should I do?