When I met my wife, she was an SHS graduate who was struggling and surviving as a sales person at Awoshie. I was a degree holder who had just started working. I admired her the first time I saw her. She was very eloquent and persistent. She knew how to sell cosmetic products. She gained some small commission on every one she sold so she was relentless. The truth is I didn’t need the product she was selling to me but I bought it because I was so impressed by her. We became friends from that very day and we remained so for about a year before I told her I was interested in her.
By the time I proposed, I had gotten to know about her unfortunate situation. She had lost both parents before she was 16, and the uncle who paid her tuiton until she completed SHS told her he couldn’t pay her university fees inspite of her sterling grade in the WASSCE. When we started dating, I told her about the many scholarship opportunities out there. Luckily, there was one such opportunity in my church and I helped her apply and she got it. We got married after she graduated from Uni. I always knew my wife was ambitious. From the very first time I met her. But I thought that marriage will make her relax small. I expected that when we start having children, she will focus more on raising the kids and forget about school as is ideal. But instead the opposite keeps happening.
She applied for a Masters program just after the birth of our first daughter. I objected to this, but she ignored me and applied. I will admit that I don’t know how she was able to handle her academic work and at the same time take care of the baby. I helped too, but she multitasked so well. We have had a son after the first and she has suddenly decided that a girl and a boy are enough. She doesn’t want to get pregnant again. Meanwhile, we have both agreed to have at least three kids before any of us will say no more.
The most annoying thing is that her reason for not wanting another child is to study for a Phd programme abroad. I think she is doing too much for a woman. I still have my first degree. Not only has she gotten her first degree, but she has gone on to get a Masters and now wants to do a Phd. Even me, her husband is not this ambitious. I hate what people are saying about me. I don’t like the fact that my brother tells me that I can’t control my wife and she has become the man in the marriage. What attracted me to my wife is now the same thing I am hating about her. There is no stop sign with her. She cannot be pinned down. I will not let her travel to do that Phd, but she has threatened to apply for it in Ghanaian Universities if I won’t let her travel. I will not allow my wife to make me the woman of the marriage. Already, she now earns double my salary and pays the kids fees and the utilities most of the time.
Character wise, she is not the proud type. She does not tell others that she pays the kids fees and other bills. She doesn’t even bring that up when we argue. But I wish she will just end her academic pursuits here. A Masters degree is impressive, especially for a woman. But she will not listen. How can I make her listen?