I’m in a dilemna. My husband and I have been married for six years, but he has been outside the country for five years. He got a scholarship opportunity to study outside to pursue his Masters degree a year after we got married. I had been delivered of a baby boy a few weeks before he left us. It was very painful for me. I didn’t want him to go, but everyone was encouraging me and telling me that this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and I shouldn’t kill my husband’s dream. I accepted it eventually. My mother came to stay with me until my child was a year. My husband was supposed to have been in the U.S for a year. That was the duration of the Masters programme he went to offer.
Well, he got a good job before he finished studying and instead of coming home to us, he focused on working there. The salary was really good. He started sending us money every single week. Three years ago, he told me about his plans to build a house so that me and the baby can stop paying rent and move to our own place. With the help of his brother here in Ghana, we bought a land in Kasoa and started building. He did well in sending money for every level we got to until the house was complete. My husband bought a car for me and sent money for me to look for a driver. He has done everything to make me comfotable. I don’t lack anything financially. We also try to chat on video almost everyday and he talks to his son as well. But this is not what I signed up for. I have been craving for him since the time he left for another country five years ago. Anytime I ask him about his plans for our marriage, he promises me he is working very hard and he’ll come and visit us soon.
Then last year, he promised me that he was working on our papers so that we join him there. I know he has done well by providing all our financial needs. But until this day, it’s been one excuse or the other. I’m not happy at all. About two years ago, my driver and I started getting intimate. I got more friendly with him when I realised he could be trusted. He started sleeping over my house. It’s just me and my child here anyway and we needed a man in the house. One thing led to the other and we ended up doing it for the first time one friday night. We had had a few drinks and the movie we were watching put us in the mood. Since that day, we have become just like a married couple. He moved into my house when his rent was due. My brother visited me one day and suspected it. I told him the driver was also helping me with gardening and house chores so he was now staying here with me in the house.
My brother has told me to be careful if I am having an affair with him. I have denied it many times but I know he knows and he has decided to stop talking about it. As for my husband’s family, they have abandoned me. They don’t visit me at where I am. I’m the one who tries to visit once in a while. It’s not as if they hate me. Everyone is just busy with their lives and they’re quite well-to-do so they don’t really need me. With the driver I’m with, I have sacked him more than three times. Even giving him enough money to rent a decent place. Everytime I sack him, I tell myself I won’t call him back. I won’t do it again. That it won’t happen again. But I’m the same person who calls him to come back when I’m lonely and need a man on my bed with me.
At a point, I completely sacked him and got another driver. But the man was not as refined and well-mannered as him and I let him go. Some may say I’m ungrateful and upon all my husband has done for me, I am wrong in paying him back this way. Honestly I miss him everyday, but he is not making any effort in coming home. He has his green card, so he can come and visit us. He hasn’t done that even once. He always has one story after another. My son has never seen his father face-to-face. It’s always through video call. Even with that, he goes off early claiming he is busy. I have complained to his family many times. There is really nothing they can do about this. Over the years, I started building my own house using my husband’s money. He doesn’t know about it neither does the driver. It’s only my brother who knows. It’s a form of contingency plan for me. I have also bought a farmland and I have workers. My brother oversees it for me. He can stay with me, but he has his family he is taking care of.
I don’t know what the future holds, but I like the driver. He is pursuing a weekend degree programme now with my help. He is a serious guy. Some may say that he is with me because of my money. But I’m not a sugar mummy. He lives on the salary I give him and he is older than me. I’m 30, he’s 32. At this point, he wants me to divorce my husband and start something more serious with him. My husband also keeps assuring me and I feel torn between this two men and my situation. I have enough money on my own to take care of myself if my husband is not in the picture anymore. I don’t know the next step to take. Please advise me.