We dated for 8 solid years. We were both financially unstable and he was always making promises of how our future will look like. When I clocked 30 last year, I got tired of him and his fake promises. I finally walked out of the relationship and entered into another the same day. Within those 8 years of dating, so much happened and I have to explain. Let’s call my ex Kofi. He’s 4 years older than me and we used to stay in the same area in our teens. He told me he has always liked me even as kids but never approached me. My mother and I eventually left the area and rented somewhere else. When I was 21, I met him again at a programme. I didn’t remember him, but he did. We started a relationship a year later. He always acted like I was out of his league and he tried extra hard to make me stay with him. Because I don’t hate him and I’m not an ungrateful person, I’ll say it as it is.
I went to a fashion designing school after SHS. My mother was a single mother and she couldn’t afford the fees. Kofi took loans for me to be paying my fees and he was handling all other expenses. My sewing kit, weekly money and everything. At that time, he wasn’t having a specific job. He did everything that required labour. He could help masons build a house or help in a road construction. That kind of thing. Anything that required man power. Kofi dropped out of SHS when his father died and his mother couldn’t take care of all 7 of them. He saw me through the fashion school and I got my diploma. After that, he got a container for me and I started working. He was even the one who gave me the idea to create a page on Facebook and instagram for my business. So I did and I have gotten a lot of online customers. He also rented a single room self contain for me and my mother. That’s where I was staying with her until she fell sick and died.
In our custom, since I’m the only child of my mother, I had to buy her coffin and the dress she’ll wear. I had already used a lot of the small money I was having to pay for hospital bills. Kofi stepped in as usual and provided the money. He wasn’t doing any better job, so I asked him where he got the money from and he told me not to worry, what matters is that my mother will be buried peacefully. Kofi bought a fridge and TV for me. But I don’t want it to look as if he was buying all those things for me alone. He was staying in a kiosk with two of his friends and there was no space for him to keep those things. At that time, we were sure we were in this forever so he was buying those things for the both of us. He was also spending a lot of time at my end. He had a key and he could go and watch TV when I was at the shop. Only his clothes were at the other side. He was more or less staying with me.
I got pregnant the first time. I wasn’t ready for that at all. For me, keeping the child was not an option. When I told him, he was happy. We didn’t have money to take care if a child so I didn’t understand how this was good news. But he was very happy. I started persuading him that we should terminate this pregnancy because it wasn’t planned and we weren’t having the money to take care of a child. He was still hopeful that God will make a way for us so I should keep it. I didn’t listen to him. I spoke to a friend and she took me to a place that does it and I went to do it without his knowledge. Afterwards, I told him I had terminated the pregnancy and it was the best thing. He got so angry with me and he stopped coming to my place or calling me for weeks.
I never called him. I was waiting for him to calm down and call me. I was there one weekend when he came and we patched up. I got pregnant again. Because of what happened the first time, I didn’t tell him about this one. I told my friend rather and I went to terminate it quietly without his knowledge. Anytime I brought marriage into our conversations, he’ll tell me we need more time to gather money and he cannot buy the things in the list my people will give him. Meanwhile he has bought a fridge, electic cooker, TV, rented a house for me and many other things. This marriage thing started becoming a problem between us. One guy was also chasing me at that time. He saw my pictures on my instagram page and he came to my shop. I liked how he was so I accepted him after some time and ended my relationship with Kofi on the same day I accepted him. The day I told Kofi I was leaving him, he cried like a little boy and begged me. But I had already decided.
I didn’t want him to be coming to the place he rented for me so I moved to another place. My friend helped me with the packing. But I was at this new place when Kofi came knocking at the door. When I opened, he said he wanted me to refund everything he had invested in me. His eyes were very red and he was acting strange. He said he was coming for his fridge, TV, microwave and I should also produce the the baby I aborted. He entered my room forcefully and I followed him inside. He was disconnecting the TV and we were insulting ourselves. I wanted to hurt him so I told him I aborted a second baby without his knowledge and that’s where he started telling me to produce his children for him. He was acting as if he wanted to force himself on me so I started shouting and people came.
They didn’t allow him to take anything from my room. I saw that when he was being forced out, there were tears in his eyes. The most annoying thing is that my relationship with the new guy lasted for just a month. He got what he wanted and just ghosted me like that. I don’t love Kofi anymore. He doesn’t have plans of marriage and being with him was stress. We were always broke and I’m tired of that life. He has been sending me plenty messages on social media telling me to come back to him or produce the babies and everything he has spent on me. Because of him I’m looking for another place to go and rent since he can come to where I am at anytime. Admin, please I need your advice on what to do about him. I don’t want to go back to him. He said he wants children with me so I should get pregnant and replace the babies I aborted. Something I don’t want to do.