I hope after sharing my story, I can get some clarity and know the next step to take. I have been married for 8 years and I have two children with my husband. Our marriage started well, but when the kids started coming and we got busy with our jobs, we fell apart. We started quarreling everyday. Then I found out he was cheating and I confronted him with it. Somehow I thought I had forgiven him and we moved on. My husband has a very close work colleague. My husband helped him get the job and they have been close since then. But we are both older than him. He is 28 years, I am 37 and my husband is 40. He is single and my husband used to bring him home many times after work. He will come and eat with us and watch T.V before going home.
He and my husband go out to watch football, drink beer and all that stuff. That’s how close they are. Because of their friendship, I also came to know him well and we became friends. It’s embarrassing to admit, but my husband and I will have serious quarrels in the marriage and we will go weeks without talking to each other and he will be the one to talk to my husband to just let everything go and speak to me. Meanwhile he himself is younger and single and never been married. With the way my husband and I were not getting along and how his friend was being so wise about the whole thing, I started developing feelings for him. It started very gradually. If he doesn’t come to our place after work, I get disappointed. I was looking forward to seeing him everyday. The guy is young and handsome and the corporate look makes him look even better. I was brushing off the feelings, but where I realised I was in love with him was when he got a girlfriend and told us about it.
We’re like family. I really got jealous and he wasn’t coming to our place as much as he used to. Even the kids started missing him. Thankfully, the relationship didn’t work and he started coming to our place a lot again. There was a time my husband was admitted in the hospital. His BP shot up and they were monitoring him. I was going up and down and I was very stressed as a result. But he was helping me with a lot of things. He will pass by the hospital after work and talk to my husband. Sometimes he will buy some things for us. There was one night I didn’t go to the hospital. Even my husband suggested it because he wanted me to rest and take care of the kids until he was fit. His friend passed by the hospital first and then when he heard I was home decided to pass by and say hi.
This lust thing is really powerful. Like you know it’s wrong but you reach a certain level and there’s no turning back. When he came, it was late..after 10pm. The kids were asleep and I was just watching a movie. We started talking and then I realised that I was probably the reason this guy was coming to our house and it wasn’t my husband. He was a little tipsy before coming to my place and I could smell it in his breath. The next thing I heard was he telling me how my husband is so lucky to have me and it pains him that my husband is still cheating on me and he knows but he has to keep quiet all the time. That night, we started something we couldn’t stop. He made me feel like a woman and he knew all the things to do. Now I can’t get enough of him.
We rented a place to be meeting. I paid for 70% of the rent for the year and he added the rest. That’s where we do all the things we don’t want anyone to know about. We were using my cycle to calculate safe periods to go without protection. But after I got pregnant, we decided to always use protection no matter what. Thankfully, I saw the pregnancy very early so abortion was easy. I have read my husband’s messages and seen evidence of his infidelity. I knew before I started cheating that he was already cheating. He may know about my own infidelity and he is ignoring me like I’m doing to him. At this stage, I have fallen so deeply for his colleague that I want to marry him. It’s not just about the s*x. The guy is so thoughtful. The way he calls and checks up on me amd makes me feel special. Even the kind of gift he gave me on my birthday shows how thoughtful he is, but my hubby just wished me a happy birthday and that was all.
When I told him about divorcing my husband and marrying him, he said that was a stupid idea and it will destroy the friendship between him and my husband and it will make him look bad because it was through my husband that he even got the job and he didn’t want to pay him back like this. My husband doesn’t love me anymore and I also don’t love him anymore so divorcing is the only way to go. But the guy I want to be with also doesn’t want to marry me. I don’t know the next step to take and I need some advice as to what to do.