I honestly wonder if any man out there is different from my husband. I read similar stories and draw the conclusion that men are the same and I should just endure the one I have like that. I married him five years ago. Our relationship was on and off. Initially, we dated for two years. I found out he was seeing someone else behind my back and I left him. It took him a whole year of begging me, even involving his mother in the whole thing before I was able to forgive him. His mother was very involved after this. She was calling me a lot and letting me know that I am the one she wants her son to marry and she will let him behave. Two years after I reconciled with my then boyfriend, we got married.
For several times, I have found myself wondering if I love him. I don’t even know. All I know is that after dating someone for years, it’s difficult to break up and start the talking stage all over again with someone else. I wasn’t ready to go through all of that and there was no guarantee that the next person I meet will stay with me until marriage. I felt more secure with him because his mother liked me a lot and she assured me that her son will treat me with the respect I deserve. Their family is also well-established, so my people were happy I was going to marry into it. My husband’s father was a businessman who owed a lot of stores in Abossey Okai Spare parts and other places. After he died, everything automatically fell on my husband. His only sister is mentally unstable and is in a facility.
Our first year was not bad at all, we travelled a lot and went to some nice places, but after we settled home and started the normal routine, things got bad. His mother passed on in our second year of marriage when I was pregnant with our first child. It was a great blow to me. It felt like I had lost my own mother all over again because she really took me as her child and showed me a lot of love. A big wholesale shop was established for me near our house and it was where I was working. Financially, I had no problems at all, but my husband’s attitude started getting worse and as much as I tried to ignore it, I couldn’t. He would flirt with every lady he sees. Even in my presence. It even got worse after his mother died because I would have complained to her and she would have spoken to him and given me some support.
We got our first househelp when I got pregnant. I needed someone to help me at home and it was even my mother-in-law who suggested it before she passed away. I live in a four-bedroom with my husband and there are two separate rooms for househelps detached from the main house like how a boys quarters is built. The first girl we got was reserved. She did her work well and didn’t speak much. I had no idea my husband was sleeping with her for many months. Out of respect for me, she packed her things one day and called her family to come for her. She only said she was 18 and she wanted to go back and further her education so I didn’t stop her. Then the second house help came. I knew how flirty my husband was and it didn’t take long for me to see how he couldn’t keep his eyes off her. She was young and very well-endowed with a lot of breasts. I started buying more loose-fitting clothes for her to wear. She was the one who told me one day that my husband has been making advances to her and he came all the way to her room to try and lure her.
When I asked my husband, he didn’t deny it. He only said that I didn’t trust him. Around this time, I had given birth and I was busy with the baby so to separate them, I decided to let the girl handle the shop while I stay home. I was home all the time so my husband couldn’t get the chance to be with her. I took my baby for weighing (hospital review) one day. When I came back, the girl had left. My husband said she decided to leave. It didn’t make sense to me. When I called her later to ask why she had left that way, she said it was my husband who sacked her. This started another quarrel between the two of us and I decided that we didn’t need a househelp anymore. But the house is big and taking care of home became difficult especially when I became pregnant again. This time, I requested for a house boy. A male will not give me such problems. My husband started accusing me of wanting to pay him back for sleeping with the girls. He said he wouldn’t get me a male and he brought another female.
All this while, I have been complaining about the cheating to my dad. He has only spoken to him once. The truth is that, my husband takes care of my dad and he is paying for my younger brother’s school fees. He knows I need him and so he misbehaves and now the only one who checks him is not around. With the new house help, I know my husband is eating her. I have given birth and I’m not healed yet. I wake up at night to breastfeed my baby and my husband is not lying by me. I don’t have the strength to go and check if he is lying on top of another girl. I want to know what to do. I can’t leave this marriage. I have started putting money away for myself, but I haven’t gathered enough yet. I obviously cannot stop my husband from sleeping around. Something in me is telling me to keep this particular house help and let my husband enjoy her. She is 22 and it looks like she is enjoying it. Is playing dumb the solution? Should I just stay and raise my two kids? Should I also find a gentleman to cheat with?