This marriage thing is not easy at all. I wish I had taken my time ooo because I cannot stay married to this husband of mine and our marriage is just 14 months and I am pregnant. We dated for three months before he got transferred to Nigeria because of work duties. He was supposed to be there for one year and he promised me that it’s me he wants to marry. He gave me a promise ring to prove that and went on to officially inform my parents about his intentions so that they wont accept any man until he returns after one year. We were talking to ourselves everyday. As for that one I can say he really tried. His job was stressful but he made time to call me on video everyday before he slept. Sometimes we will be talking and he wil sleep and leave me.
I really admired the effort he was putting to make the relationship work so it made me fall in love with him even more. He was sending money monthly and even sending my parents money. He will call and ask to speak to my parents. My mother used to tease me that if I let such a good man slip from my hands she will be very angry with me and we will both laugh about it. When he returned after a year, he said he doesn’t see why we should not marry. He was nearing 40 himself and his whole life has been about schooling and working so now he was very eager to marry. I was also 30 years and a diploma holder. I wasn’t doing any better job, but I was helping my mother’s sister in her boutique and she was giving me something small on weekly basis. Truthfully, marriage has always scared me. My parents are still together but the way they used to quarrel was so scary to us when we were children.
My elder sister left her marriage because the man was caught redhanded with another woman. Nsem pii..So when my guy proposed, I was a bit scared, but he was treating me so well and my parents were pushing me to accept him quickly, so we married. In total I can say we dated for about 1 year 4 months. But for 1 year, it was a distant relationship. I never stayed with him when we were dating and we only had s*x once during the dating time. It was when he returned from Nigeria that we did it and he was cool. It took me a few weeks after our wedding to start noticing his serious untidyness. I have two brothers and I know how untidy guys can be some times. But even my brothers are very neat as compared to my hubby.
My husband is too dirty. Aaaba! When he is stepping out of the house, he bathes and dresses well so you won’t suspect anything. But when he’s home, that’s when you see his true colours. If I don’t force him to go and bath, he will not bath. This is how it always is during weekends when he doesn’t go to work. I used to seduce him with s*x to get into the bathroom with me, but now even that method is not working because he likes s*x more on the bed. When he was on leave in May, he could go a whole week without bathing. When he wakes up, he’ll be behind the T.V from morning till evening. He will eat and the plates will be scattered everywhere on the floor. I will come from work in the evening and come and gather the plates and wash them.
He is also one of those people who develop body scent when they don’t bath for one day and that sweat will be the first thing you smell when you enter the room because he likes AC too and he has closed all the windows. He can wear the same boxers for two weeks. I’m not kidding. I bought 12 set of boxers for him, yet he still prefers his old ones. He has two particular ones he likes more and when he takes one to wear, he can wear it for weeks. He wears the same boxers to sleep and wakes up wearing the same thing. Even if he baths he wont change it, he will just lift it and shake it hard like he is removing dust from inside and then he will wear it like that. I put one of the old boxers into the bin one day and he didn’t eat my food for days because of that. Ena I have insulted him as the head of the house..hmm. My husband is very very lazy that when it comes to house chores I get overwhelmed by it. He won’t lift a finger to do anything and even if he wants to drink water, he can call you to come and get him water when he can just walk to the fridge and get one.
Surprisingly, he is very hardworking when it comes to his work. He doesn’t joke with that at all. He will wake up early and go, but he is a different person at home. I used to tolerate his body smell when I wasn’t pregnant, but when the pregnancy came in, it was unbearable. It made my nausea even worse, so one time I sat him down and spoke to him about his personal hygiene. He got very angry with me. He said at 38 years, I was treating him like his mum and elder sisters who were always on him and telling him what to do. I had to keep quiet so things will die down. When I got the chance, I spoke to one of his sisters and she told me my husband used to be so lazy that she was going to his apartment weekly to wash his plates for him and wash his clothes too. He is the last of 6 children and the only boy so maybe that’s a factor. When we were dating I was visiting him and the place was always neat. He was behaving himself because he wanted to impress me at that time.
Hmmm In spite of his lack of hygiene I really love this man. He is very ambitious and he has a way of pushing you to do better. Right now, he has plans of enrolling me to get a degree after we have our baby. The only problem is that, he gets defensive anytime you point out something he does to him. He can urinate all over the toilet seat. The moment you complain, he will get angry and grumble the whole day. He has this mindset that as a wife, my duties are to keep the home. I do not disagree with that, but does that mean he should make the place dirty on purpose for me to clean? Our small washing machine got spoilt, he said he will buy a new one and he hasn’t bought one yet. When I’m washing his clothes, My fingers hurt a lot because he can wear one shirt until he feels satisfied before changing. As for the boxers, I have complained so much I am tired.
My brothers used to change theirs once every 2 to 3 days and I was advising them to change everyday. I wish my husband will at least change his boxers like my brothers. The smell alone is very bad. When we get intimate too he likes me to suck his thing. Meanwhile, the place is very bushy and has a foul smell. Thankfully, now that I’m pregnant, he doesn’t make such requests. When we got married fresh, he will come from work and request for it. I used to persuade him to go and bath by going to bath myself and it was working, but one time he was so lazy to follow me to bath and I had to do my duties as a wife and suck him. After I was done, the smell didn’t leave my nose. It was the first time I told him and the first time we had a major quarrel in marriage. He said no man’s thing smells like lavender and I have insulted him by letting him know about the foul smell. He said shaving makes him itch there so for many years he hasn’t shaved and he will not do it.
It seems when God was sharing the personal hygiene grace, my husband was absent cos hmmm…I know marriage is not perfect and everyone has their cross to carry. I know I also have my flaws and I am trying to be a good wife for him. But how can I talk to him for him to listen to me at least? If I tell his mother to talk to him, he will get angry at me for telling his mother such a private matter. It’s too early in the marriage for things like this to be worrying me and I am now wondering how I can live with his body scent for the many years ahead of us. Truthfully, I didn’t see any of these signs when we were dating, I wouldn’t have rushed into the marriage. He was always neat and fresh with no odour when we met or when I visited him. I thought about talking to a man of God my husband respects a lot. He officiated our wedding. But he will be angry with me and I don’t want that to happen. Any help please?