My wife and I have been married for about eight months. She is six months pregnant and this is our first baby. As a man, I am trying for us to do everything right and avoid any recklessness that will put the baby’s life in danger. My wife and I are occasional party people. We have very demanding jobs so we’re busy most of the time, so when we both get the chance to have some fun, we don’t let it go. We are not heavy on the drinking. I’m very particular about that and she knows it. She on the other hand drinks an occasional beer; nothing wrong with that. I don’t expect my wife to be acting the way she is currently acting.
Both of us are in mourning. She is feeling the weight more because her maid of honour during our wedding passed away just last month. The two of them were best friends and she was so young. I understand that a news like that can be difficult to handle especially for women who are naturally more emotional. Her death also came as a shock to me because she was also my friend. The bond she shared with my wife was so deep that they were like sisters, so I also knew her very well. One night, I woke up and realized my wife wasn’t sleeping by me on the bed. I got up and found her in the hall crying on her own. I didn’t know if I should go and confort her or leave her. I stood there for a few minutes and then decided to go and console her for sometime. When I went to her, she said she wanted to be left alone. I insisted I will stay, but she screamed that I should leave her alone, so I went back to bed.
A few days later, she did the same thing. I woke up and she was not next to me. But this time when I went to check on her, I saw her drinking a hard liquor. I went over to her and took the bottle away from her. We don’t keep alcohol in the house so she bought it just across the road. I asked her angrily if she wanted to put the life of our baby in danger. I must admit that I didn’t expect her to be drinking in her condition so I was hard on her and she just kept crying. I left her and went to pour the liquor in the sink then I went back to bed. I should have sat by her or something but I was really tired. I already don’t get enough sleep and I needed some rest before work. The next morning I realized I spoke to her very harshly the previous day so I wanted to apologize to her.
I looked all over the house and she wasn’t there. I called her and her phone was off. This was very unlike her so I started to panic. I called in sick at work and went to her family house where her mum and siblings stay to ask if she was there and nobody had seen her. We started calling her friends to ask if she had visited any of them. At this point I was very worried but thankfully she had gone to sit at the church premises acting quite disoriented. I was able to bring her back home and apologize to her for speaking harshly to her. She has become silent after that incident, but on a normal day, my wife is the talkative between the two of us. I understand that she is mourning so I have given her the space to mourn.
But she has made me more worried now. I came back from work to realize she didn’t go to work on that day. I also saw empty bottles of alcohol on the center table. My pregnant wife was drunk in the couch and she was talking to herself. After that incident, I called her younger sister to come and stay with us for a while until she gives birth. Now my wife and her sister always have arguments at home. She keeps wanting to go out of the house dressed shabbily and her sister stops her. That is the main cause of the arguments. I know my wife very well. We were friends for years before we started dating and the way she is acting is not like her. Her sister suggested we find a psychologist, so we did that. On the day of the appointment, my wife refused to go. She was literally running away from me and her sister and she refused to bath. I can easily bath her and force her into the car, but with the way she was acting, I was worried I could hurt her and the baby in the process of forcing her or she could even hurt herself because of the running. I am trying hard, but I can’t handle this and we have been married for just eight months.
I need some help and advice on how to go about all of this. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I have a lot of financial obligations to meet as a man. I’m also dealing with my own personal problems I can’t share and my wife’s problems and actions is taking a toll on me. I would appreciate some advice and words of encouragement.