I used to love him so much and I couldn’t even think of living my life without him. Now, I am filing for a divorce. I have decided that this five year marriage is over and I have gotten to the point where nothing can change my mind. I am depressed and hurt. I’ve lost my parents and I know what grief feels like but this cuts too deep and I feel like my life has no meaning anymore and I hate the beginning of a new day. In the evening, I lie on the couch alone and cry myself to sleep. Our room is so messy because I’m the only one who cleans the place and since I haven’t done that for weeks, my husband also hasn’t seen the need to.
He has turned to drinking, as if he is in some form of pain. He is acting as if what happened could not have been prevented. I have never hated someone like I hate him now. My dad was living in the U.S and he worked for me to come over and stay with him. I completed my University education here in California and met my husband here. My husband is also a Ghanaian immigrant just like me and we met through the friendship between our parents. We were happy and in love. When we told our parents about our intentions of getting married, they were overjoyed. They wanted us to marry, but they didn’t want to force us into any relationship, so they were so happy that their wish came to pass. My husband lost his job in a hotel due to his own attitude of going to work late consistently. I am a shop attendant and my salary and my dad’s monthly allowance was supporting us until my husband got another job in a different hotel as a janitor.
Financially, we aren’t doing bad. After marriage, we tried to have a baby, but we encountered some medical issues here and there. It’s not something I want to go into. Thankfully, I conceived later and we started preparing for the baby’s arrival. We got to know that it was a boy. My husband wanted a boy and it was all he was praying for. I didn’t really care about the gender of the child. I just wanted to have my baby and love him. I was very careful to follow every direction by our gynaecologist. But around my 9th month, less than two weeks to my due date, I lost my baby. I have never felt this empty in my life. The most painful part of it all is that it could have been avoided if my husband didn’t try to overtake the car in front of us.
We were late to friend’s event and I even wanted to stay behind, but he insisted that we go together. He was blaming me for spending too much time in dressing up. When we were on our way, he couldn’t stop checking the time and complaining that I have made us late. I would have lost my life in that accident. Maybe I should have because waking up in pain and realizing my baby had been taken out dead was the most painful news I have heard in my life. My dad passed on three years ago and I don’t think I cried this much at the news of his demise. I waited for this child for five years. I have been preparing for his arrival and it took the few seconds of an accident to end my happiness. My baby died three months ago. My husband and I have both been discharged, but I have been giving him the silent treatment.
The pain he has taken me through is too much for me to handle and I just want to divorce him. His parents have come to personally visit us and talk to us. They now live in Alabama and it took them several hours to come to us in California. They came all the way to talk to me to stay in the marriage, but I cannot stay with my husband. Anytime I see him, I see my pregnancy all over again and what could have been a crying baby in our home for the first time. He has cut all of this short because he was running late for an event and blaming me for it. In the end, we all didn’t attend the event and lost our child in the process. He killed our son and I know it. That is the truth and not even his parents can convince me it was an accident because I have decided not to accept it. The police were involved after the accident and official reports that came claim that it was an accident, but I will not accept it. My husband did this to us. He has destroyed us and this wound cannot be healed. I just want to know how I can move on after this very painful tragedy and build my life again.