I was 12 when I chanced upon my uncle’s p*rn CDs. The level of intrigue and elation I felt was crazy. It was like a part of me had been opened and I had entered a door of great possibilities. I was staying at his home for the vac and I started sneaking into the hall at midnight to watch p*rn when everyone was sleeping. When it was time to go home, I stole about 5 of the cds and put them in my bag. I removed the CD from their cases and placed them in my bag. I would watch it anytime I had the chance of being left at home. This will start a lifelong battle with porn and weird s*xual fantasies and perversions.
I started masturbating to the videos and then later the videos were not giving me the level of s*xual elation I needed. I had watched it too many times that I was over it. That is when I started finding excuses to go and visit my uncle. His children were about my age so it was easy to just tell my mum I want to go and play with them. The next time I went, I sneaked into my uncle’s bedroom again and searched for the CDs. It seemed he had even added more. They were in one of drawers in the room. I took more this time and continued feeding my addiction. By SHS, I had become s*xually active. I don’t know why and how I didn’t share this with anyone, not even my friends.
I was a quiet child and everyone saw me as a good boy so I was probably protecting my reputation because I knew what I was doing was wrong. During SHS, I was a day student and there was this guy selling CDs around the school. When I close I will ask him if he has blue film and he will insult me and tell me I’m too young for that. I was doing that everyday and at a point he will sack me when he sees me coming. But one time a friend of mine came to tell me he has gotten a place he buys his p*rn collection from. That day, we picked a trotro and went there. It was like a ghetto and the man was selling a lot of cds. People were also smoking weed there. When we asked for blue film, he went inside a brought a whole collection of them. It was during the time that those long CD cases with maybe 30 in 1 movies was popular. I bought two whole cds with about 20 videos in one cd. That place became my base and it was also where I started smoking cigarette and weed.
When smartphones started becoming popular, my addiction became worse. Normal s*x scenes didn’t give me an erection anymore. I started turning towards domination and submission. Then I became s*xually sadistic. If the man wasn’t beating the woman or choking her or slapping her, I wouldn’t enjoy it. If the man wasn’t spitting on the woman, I wouldn’t be aroused. Then I was watching videos of men defecating on women. I created accounts to many p*rn sites. Some of them, I was paying monthly through my credit card. It led me to a secret website where illegal p*rn was being shared. The videos on that site are so extreme and they all show the abuse that women endure for money. But these are the videos that turn me on now.
I am turning 29 in October, yet there is nothing to write home about. My parents are those taking care of me because I have been sacked from all the places I have worked. After SHS, my Wassce passes were so bad I had to rewrite all my papers again if I wanted to further my education. I rather opted to find work. I got my first job as a houseboy. There was a rich family, but I was a peeping tom and I was sneaking in to spy on my madam and her daughter anytime they were bathing. I was caught eventually and sacked. Then, I got a teaching job in a newly built private school and I harrassed one of the students by f*ndling her. Her parents reported me and I was sacked from the school and given a hefty fine to pay. I also got a job as a driver for another family and I was so depressed one time, I smoked weed in the car the whole night and the next morning my madam smelt weed in the car and sacked me immediately. Now I stay home all day and I have gone deeper into my p*rn and smoking addiction. I have seen over 5 psychologists, but I end up relapsing every time, so my parents just keep me indoors so that I don’t disgrace them further. I know I’m the black sheep in the family. My siblings are out there doing great things with their lives. At this point I just feel like this is the end for me.