I joined a tour team somewhere last year. I was seeing their posts on Instagram almost everyday and I was really interested in the many places they were going and the fun they were having. I saw one particular post about a particular place they were going to camp for two days during the recent Eid-ul-adha celebrations. It was a long weekend so I knew I could sacrifice some of my savings to just get away from home for a while because home was not sweet and I wasn’t a happy man. I called them and booked a slot by making part payment. That was somewhere in June. The following week, I completed my payment and looked forward to the day.
I’m a 35-year-old married man. I didn’t inform my wife about the trip I had booked. We were not talking and It was only our two year old daughter that was keeping us together in the house. We’ve been to counselling together and the differences in our personalities and backgrounds seems to be the major issue we are facing as a couple. She was raised in a good home, mum and dad were there for her. She is reserved and introverted. I am the direct opposite of all this. I come from a broken home. I don’t know how to stay at home the whole day, it literally feels like prison. We’ve been trying to work out our differences, but it hasn’t been easy and I admit that I am sometimes too hard on her and expect her to be as confrontational and assertive as me.
So fastforward, the time came for the tour and I left very early on Saturday morning. It was going to be a long weekend because the coming Monday was a holiday and we will return Monday evening. To say I had fun is an understatement. We visited a lot of very nice places in Ghana. The country is beautiful, but if you only stay in Accra and never visit places, you will not know that Ghana has some very nice places. We were lodging at a particular hotel. I prefer not to mention the name. On Sunday we had a karoake night full of games and fun activities. It was just crazy. All the people there were strangers just a few days ago and within a short time, we had become buddies. That night we really eat and drunk. I was flirting with a particular lady and she really got me h*rny. I won’t beat about the bush. The lady and I sneaked into one of the rooms we were lodging when everyone else was outside having fun and we had s*x.
It was crazy. The fact that we were both tipsy made the whole experience easier and more fun. We returned home on Monday evening and I was officially added to the tour group’s whatsapp platform. When I returned, my guilty conscience wouldn’t allow me to continue giving my wife the silent treatment so I apologised to her and told her there was a trip organized at work and the network at the place was bad. (I switched my phone off the moment we reached our destination and switched it back on when we were returning home. I just wanted to completely vanish for a while) She had been worried sick about me because I didn’t inform her or anyone about the trip. After apologising, we got intimate and we moved on with our lives.
Now, the lady I f*cked during the tour has been chatting me consistently. I have tried to not lead her on in the conversations. Many times I take very long to reply her or I give her very blant straightforward answers. Anytime she calls, I tell her I am busy. I’ve been doing all this to keep her off my back, but it seems like the more I push her away, the closer she comes. The group, which I am now a part of is organising another trip in a few weeks and I 100% want to go. But I can’t go with my wife, I don’t want her to meet the other girl. It’s also not the kind of trip you will go with a spouse. Other members are not married or if they are, they act like they’re single. I also wish the other girl will not be there because I am scared of what we will do this time around but there is a high probability she will be there. I’ve cheated on my wife before. It happened once when we were dating. It was with one of my colleagues at work. But she doesn’t work at my workplace anymore.
I have however been feeling very guilty this time because we are married and I have failed to uphold the vows I made to her. I am also worried I don’t love her enough because I keep fantasizing about other women anytime I masturbate and on a normal day, I try to fight the urge to meet the lady I had s*x with at the tour. But when I’m h*rny and busily masturbating, she is all I keep thinking about. This is not the father I want to be for my daughter. Already, my dad cheated on my mum several times and it led to their divorce. I feel like the family cycle is happening to me and I don’t know what to do.