My wife’s laziness seems to be increasing after every child we have. As a man, I already feel pressured to provide for the family and be there for my family. We have five kids now and she is a housewife. I get home from work only to meet a very messy room, cooking utensils not washed, clothes scattered everywhere. It is my wife’s job. She is not going out there to sweat to put money on the table. That is my job. She is not doing her job and her attitude is giving me headache. I have sat her down to talk to her. Her excuse used to be that she had just given birth and she is still exhausted. But our last born is one year now. The child can walk, so what is the big deal?
She wants me to get a nanny to help her with the kids. But I will only get a nanny if she was working. As far as she is not working, I cannot add an additional cost to my tight budget. Meanwhile she has reported me to her mother that I don’t help her with the kids. How on earth will I have the time to help her with the kids? I am working hard for their benefit. I am doing the best I can. My mother-in-law and I had our first major misunderstanding because of this. I have told her to come and stay with us to take care of the kids. She says she is busy with her other grandchildren and cannot take care of my kids in addition. I politely told her to stop interfering with how I run my family if she cannot help in any way. She called me disrespectful for that. Why is it that Africans cannot understand boundaries?
Now the thing is that mother and daughter have formed a tag team against me. The old woman has been giving my wife very bad counsel. I came back from work the last time and there was no food for me. She told me they had eaten dinner and there was not enough left for me. It took me all the self-control I could master to not hit her at that point. I had to drive around in the evening, looking for a food joint to buy something because I was very hungry and exhausted. Another time, my wife went out and left the kids alone at home. My first child is 11 and although he is quite mature for his age, it is not right to leave an 11 year old to take care of other children. Especially when the youngest is just a year old.
It is very shocking how people can change after marriage. My wife’s attitude is making marriage bitter. I find myself not wanting to go home after I am done with work. Sometimes I leave the office later than I should. Other times, I just drive around for a while to prepare myself for a possible confrontation before I get home. I am not a happy man. 21st-century marriages are no longer happy marriages.
