I met this man in a new area I had just moved in. He and I met at a popular waakye joint in the area and he casually started a conversation with me. He told me he had stayed in that area all his life and he knew everyone there. So he just knew I was new. I told him I had just moved there recently. Apparently, Waakye was his favourite food as was mine. We met there often and we became friends through that. I realized that he was really known in the area and most people called him ‘oso’ or pastor. He even started inviting me to church and I joined him sometimes. At a point, it was obvious that he was interested in me. I don’t know what I felt for him at that time, but I knew he was a good guy and so I accepted him.
But the guy was too spiritual for me. He will call me at dawn to go the the park and pray, then ask me to join him in Bible studies. On Saturdays, he will go for evangelism and persuade me to join him. This was his life. He was a teacher for the Sunday school part of his church and I felt like I didn’t fit in his life. I tried hard for the relationship to work. But I am not the chrife type and I didn’t feel like I was myself. It felt more like I was playing a part that wasn’t me. So after a year, I broke up with him. He begged me several times to try to make the relationship work, but I had made up my mind. After some time, I met another guy and I was cool with him. Hmmm this guy was my type and he was the direct opposite of the Chrife one. Unfortunately he is also the violent type. He will beat me after every misunderstanding. But he will later apologize to me and buy me things to make me feel better. I hoped that he will change. So I stayed with him for close to three years. He wasn’t beating me everyday. But it happened once a while and I saw that he was making an effort to change so I stayed. But I finally had to leave him when he slapped me so hard that my left ear got blocked. I couldn’t hear in that ear and I had to take it to a hospital before I could hear. He begged me many times even to the point of crying that it will never happen again. All this while, I had left the area my ex (the Chrife guy) was in because I didn’t want to run into him.
After I broke up with the abusive guy, I went looking for the first guy because I realised he was the best I have had. He really cared deeply for me and he thought of me with every plan he made. The abusive one was not like that. I was shocked to learn that my serious ex was going to get married. Now I feel like a fool. I feel like I should go and beg him to marry me instead because it took an abusive person for me to see that I actually love him and I want to change and know about God more. But I also don’t want to destroy another woman’s happiness. I know the woman he is going to marry will be very lucky to have him as her husband. What should I do?