I consider myself to be a lucky girl. I am very much in love with my fiancé. We understand each other and I am looking forward to a lot of happiness in my marriage which will be happening soon. His family is the best. They are very friendly and they treat me like I am already one of them. I feel at home when I visit them and his parents treat me like I am their daughter. We are both in stable jobs and we decided not to take loans or stress our finances for the wedding, so we took our time with the preparations and buying of things. We bought them gradually and I admire his financial discipline so much. He is the one I have been waiting for and I can’t wait to marry him and call him my husband.
I have lost my father and that was a very painful time of my life. My mother however is still alive and is very happy about this upcoming wedding. The only problem is that my fiancé wants us to stay in their family house when we get married. His family is great, I love them. But I do not want to stay with them. It’s a very big house. The houses are built in apartments with everyone having their own part. My husband has a chamber and Hall self-contained to himself. It is a nice place. But I just cannot stay in a family house when I marry. Both of us have argued over this and discussed this at length. He thinks renting is too expensive and will be a waste of money. But based on my personal experience of staying in a family house, I vowed never to live in a family house with my husband and children.
I grew up in a family house with a lot of aunties, uncles and cousins on the same compound. My parents allowed us the freedom to play with our cousins and it was fun while it lasted. Soon, major quarrels started to set in between the families. It really affected the relationship I had with many of my cousins even to this day because the moment my auntie and my mum quarreled over who should have swept the compound, we were not allowed to play with her kids. This continuous quarrelling continued for years. It was not a pleasant sight at all. I observed that relatives who were not staying in the same house always had a great welcome anytime they visited.
This is exactly why I don’t want to stay in the same house with my husband’s family. They may seem nice now because I visit them and do not stay with them. But I am sure there will be issues when I stay with them. My husband does not understand this. When my father died, his siblings in the house treated my mother very badly all in the guise of widowhood rites. But I knew they were looking for a chance like that. My dad had always defended my mum against his siblings and their quarrelsome attitude and now that he wasn’t there, they took advantage of his absence to treat her very bad. I have a lot of reasons why I cannot live in a family house.
I am willing to pay for the rent, but my husband to be thinks I hate his family and he has gotten angry with me because of this issue. I am also not willing to change my stance. I do not want my children to live in a family house. Apart from possible quarrels and divisions, there is no privacy. Everyone is in everybody’s business. I hate that. I hope I am not exaggerating this issue like my man thinks I am.