I went all out for people and they proved to me that being kind and selfless is a total waste of time. When I met this man, he was struggling financially. He couldn’t afford a three square meal and to make matters worse, he had a daughter he was taking care of. We became friends and I admired him for being a present father for his daughter. The mother left them when times became hard for him. We don’t hear stories like this. It’s mostly the fathers who abandon their children. They came to rent in the same house I was staying. I never saw him as someone I will end up being married to. At 40 years, I had given up on marriage and I was just focusing on my life as a single woman. The more we spoke, the more I grew fond of him. But it was his daughter who created our bond. She liked me a lot and she could spend the whole day in my room until her father comes looking for her. I also liked her instantly and she made me feel like a mother. A friend of mine told me that her company needed a security man. The salary they were offering was better than what he was getting at that time, so I encouraged him to go and with the help of my friend, he got the job.
When he was working the night shift, His daughter was with me. I was virtually her mother. I got her ready for school and went to drop her myself. She was 5 at the time. At the end of that year, he proposed to me. He told me I was a better mother to his daughter than her biological mother. He promised me that although I was 6 years older than him, we could make this work. The marriage was convenient for both of us and I accepted him. He left his single room and joined me in my chamber and hall self contain after we got married. I loved him and did all my wifely duties. My salary was more than twice that of his so I was paying for his daughter’s fees and utilities. Sometimes, I was giving him daily money because his salary would delay. I cooked from my own pocket. I never complained about this. I loved him and my daughter and they were my family.
We tried having children. In the space of five years, I miscarried three times. When I was 45, I thought I was pregnant again because I stopped seeing my menses. I went to the hospital only to be told I had hit my menopause. I was very sad. I wanted to have my own children, but fate didn’t allow me. I learnt to accept it. My husband was supportive and I didn’t feel childless because of how close her daughter was to me and how much she loved me. Then my husband developed an attitude. He was always angry at me. Always frustrating me in one way or the other. The real problem started on the day my husband told me his mother said she misses him and her granddaughter so they were going to spend a few weeks with her. It was during vacation. I agreed. Then this became a routine. They were spending weekends at his ‘mother’s’ place. Before I met him, I had been single for many years and I was used to being independent that I may have felt something was up with his behavior, but I just didn’t want to accept it.
Around 2019, I stopped seeing his daughter. He returned from his ‘mother’s’ place without her. When I asked about her, he acted all moody with me and he said she will stay with my mother-in-law from henceforth. I will call her with the phone I bought for her and she’ll not answer. I later realized she had blocked me. Meanwhile, I had done nothing wrong to her. My husband started sleeping out for a week, sometimes 2 weeks without giving me an explanation. When I ask where he has been, he will be defensive and shout at me saying I talk too much. This continued and in 2020 during the lockdown, my husband did not sleep home throughout the period. His mother passed ending of 2019 and we all went to the funeral. I thought after her death my husband and daughter will return home. But my husband said they will stay in their family house. It didn’t make any sense to me because it was far from his work and the girl’s school. I said I’ll join them and the answer was a harsh no.
Long story short. During the lockdown, I found out that my husband had met his daughter’s mother and they had rekindled their love. All the time he told me he was going to see his mother, he was actually going to see his baby mama. My mother-in-law always thought I was too old for her son, so she was never nice to me and our relationship was a bit sour so calling her was difficult. My husband’s baby mama had given him a son and she was pregnant again. I called my husband’s daughter who is now 15 and she told me everything. She also told me that I was a good mother to her, but now that she has found her biological mother, she doesn’t want to have anything to do with me again and her mother said it is best she stays away from me. My husband couldn’t have the guts to divorce me. He however packed out and went to be with the mother of his children, so I did what he wanted and I divorced him.
My therapist has told me to journal and write about my experience to help free me of some of the pain. But it hasn’t helped and it’s the reason I am sharing it here. I wake up everyday feeling very lonely and useless. My brother is the only one I visit once in a while. He is the only family I have left. Even with that, I don’t want his wife to start complaining that I’m always visiting so I have reduced the visits. Why are some human beings so wicked? Why did he propose to me and marry me when he knew he will leave me at the slightest chance? He led me on and made me fall for him only for him to do this to me. Now, I’m 50 and I feel like I have wasted my life. No husband, no child. My old age will be sad and sorrowful. If this is my payment for having a good heart, I have accepted it like that. I wish them happiness.