Hi. So I got married 9 years ago and we have 5 children. Our financial situation too isn’t that good. After giving birth to our last born 7 months ago, I told my husband that we shouldn’t have another baby. We are really struggling and all he wants is s*x all the time. We are gathering money to do a more permanent family planning method. He told me to be taking the pills for now. Meanwhile I was taking the pills and still got pregnant with the last child. I suggested we stick to condoms until he does the vasectomy. The problem is, everytime we gather money for the procedure, something will come up and we will have to use it for something else. My husband really loves s*x. He likes it everyday. I personally don’t have a problem with that. I just don’t want to get pregnant again.
I buy the condoms myself. He is always reluctant to do it and yet he wants to have s*x. So one day, I was washing his clothes and I saw an unused condom in his pocket. It wasn’t the brand we have at home, I would have brushed it off that he took it from the box. The first time I saw it, I just ignored it. I didn’t ask him. I just wanted peace of mind so I didn’t want something like that to start a quarrel between us. It didn’t prove that he was cheating. Then I saw it again another time I was washing his trouser. He is a security man in a government company. I threw this one away and didn’t say anything again. When I saw another one the third time, I was surprised. I even wondered if he was intentionally doing that for me to see it. I took it out of the water and cleaned it.
That evening when he was trying to do the do, I brought that condom and gave it to him. His face changed but he didn’t say anything. He just asked me if this was now the type I was buying. That’s when I told him it was in his pocket and I asked him what he was doing with it since we have packs of it at home. He started a long story about how he saw some children playing with it and he just took it from them and put it in his pocket. So I asked him if the children were always playing with the condoms since I had seen it three times in his pocket. He started denying it and saying I was lying and what was he going to use a condom for especially at work. We didn’t have s*x that evening. I spoilt the mood and he went out to a bar to drink.
Some months later, I woke up at dawn when he was returning from work. I heard him talking on the phone and I pretended as if I was asleep. The person on the phone was loud. I couldn’t hear what she was saying but it was a girl. When my husband entered the room. He told her ‘I just got home and my wife is here so let’s continue later’ He thought I was asleep. That week, I watched him a lot and he was being secretive with his actions. He can go and work daytime and tell me he was filling in for a colleague so he will work day and night. At first, he wasn’t filling in for anyone. So now I know that he goes and sleeps with the other lady after working in the daytime. Just the last time, my friend called me and told me he has seen my husband with a certain girl somewhere and he wanted to know if they’re siblings because he has seen them there many times.
I am tired of keeping quiet so I want to know how I can handle a cheating husband. I don’t believe in divorce because we attend a church where it is forbidden for a couple to divorce. How can I make him change?