My wife and her entourage are treating me like I am some kind of demon sent to oppose her from rising up to the call of God. Both of us believe in God. We have raised our children in the Lord and we wouldn’t have survived 11 years being married without God. We were in the same church, but somewhere in 2019 one of our good friends felt he was being led to start a church. He spoke to us about it and I wished him well and politely declined his offer of joining him in leaving the church. I’m okay where I am and I’m serving in my own capacity. I don’t know what he told my wife, but she jumped into his idea. Because of this issue, my wife and I had major disagreements even to the point where we had to see counsellors in the church. They all convinced her to stay, since I the husband was not leaving. But she said no. She said God was leading her to our friend’s newly established church. In order to save my marriage, I reluctantly allowed her.
So on Sundays, Thursdays and Saturdays, she goes to her church. There are a lot of things that I don’t like about the situation, but I just overlook it because compromise is a must in every marriage and as a man, you have to make sure your wife is happy. As long as she was happy, home was peaceful and everything was alright. Then early this year, we were getting ready to sleep when she told me she was going to be ordained as a pastor the following Sunday and I had to attend. I knew she was a devout member. I knew she loved God. But to think that she will be ordained a pastor without even asking for my opinion was just beyond. She had signed forms and undergone a pastoral training without telling me anything about it. I was angry and I didn’t attend.
The marriage has become sour. We are not on the same page on the issue. We keep having minor arguments here and there. My wife has been ordained a pastor in a church I have never stepped foot in. The kids go to church with me too. Here comes the real problem. My wife is going to start a branch of the church in another region. She told me about this somewhere in March. I’m supposed to leave my church with the children and follow her to the new place to assist her in establishing and overseeing the new branch. According to certain policies of her church, this is a compulsory clause she signed on. A woman cannot lead a branch of the church if her husband and children are not by her side. She consented to all of this without even telling me. The most annoying thing is that the place we’re supposed to settle in is an undeveloped suburb in the Volta Region.
I have a well-paid job here in Accra. Our two kids are attending good schools. We are okay here. I have made it clear to my wife that I have compromised enough for her and her needs. But this is something I won’t bend for. For the past couple of months, she has tried every tactic to persuade me to follow her in becoming a head pastor in the Volta Region. My answer has remained the same. The children and I are not going anywhere. She is free to go. Other pastors from her church have come to our home to speak to me several times. When that wasn’t working, they started quoting scriptures out of context to manipulate me into following my wife where she was going. It has just been mental torture.
My wife has been given till the end of this year to make me follow her or she will lose the position and it will be given to someone else. We’re three in this marriage. Me, my wife and her pastor. She even respects the pastor more than me. Over the past few weeks, she has cooked nothing for me or the children. I have been improvising in my own way with jollof. I have decided to divorce her. She and I cannot agree on anything anymore so I won’t waste her time. When I informed her about my decision, she started crying. She said I have been an enemy of progress to her and the calling of God on her life. It happens that one of the clause stated in her church’s laws is that no divorcee will become a pastor. Once a pastor divorces, she will lose her position as pastor. My wife may not be going to head the said branch because I have refused to go with her. But she is still a pastor in the church. The moment I divorce her, she will lose the pastoral title completely.
Honestly, I don’t care much for the said church and their laws. But you should see how devoted my wife is to them. She doesn’t listen to any other opinion apart from her pastor. The same guy we used to attend church with. I tried to talk to the pastor myself and it took me days to get to him. Nothing came out of the conversation. He accused me of allowing myself to be manipulated by the devil and suggested I join his church to be delivered. I left his office because I saw what a delusional man he had become. I am starting the processes for a divorce soon. But now, even the elders in my church are saying I should just follow her to where she has been called to establish a church and it could be God’s will. I have prayed over this. It’s not just about following her. It’s about some beliefs and doctrines of her church that does not resonate well with me. I’ll be reading comments. How should I handle this situation? I want to divorce her but I want to be sure I’m not making an irrational decision. Please help me decide.