It took me days to finally decide if I want to share this. Infact, I’m still not sure if I’m doing the right thing by sharing it, but here goes. I’m 29, she’s 28. We’re not directly related, but we share a cousin. Let me explain; Adwoa is my cousin. She’s the daughter of my dad’s brother. Nancy (the girl whose story I’m about to narrate) is also a cousin to Adwoa. Nancy’s father and my uncle’s wife are siblings. I hope this is clear. We met at a family gathering when we were kids and then every Saturday, my siblings and Nancy’s siblings would meet and play at Adwoa’s house. Adwoa’s dad is very rich. They have a big house and that’s where a lot of family gatherings happen. Nancy’s brother showed me adult content on his phone when I was just 14. He was older. He had no idea that I would practice the things he had shown me on his sister later.
I didn’t force her. We both wanted it. Between the ages of 14 and 17, Nancy and I did things that are not right to share. With time, we got closer than anyone else in the family. Even Adwoa drifted away. As we got older, those Saturday visits to Adwoa’s house stopped. But Nancy and I had created a very strong bond that it didn’t affect us. In SHS, I broke bounds several times to go and see her. That was a big deal because our Senior High Schools were not in the same region. But it’s the University that made matters worse. We went to the same University. Whiles I waited a year before enrolling, she went the same year so we both went at the same time. I was in a four-in-a-room hostel. She was in a two-in-a-room initially and then rented a single room near campus when she had issues with her roomie.
I also moved in with her eventually. I don’t have to explain what a man and a woman living in the same room do. To the outside world, we were family. We were siblings. She called me her bestie most of the time though and frankly, I was the closest person to her. We shared everything. No secrets, and a lot of openness. In Uni, I proposed to her. I didn’t see why I couldn’t. The two of us lived like a married couple and I didn’t even expect her to say no to me. When she did, I was very shocked. Her reason was that I was like family. Yes, we do stuff in secret. I was the first guy in her life and her bestie, but she said she can’t call me her boyfriend. I thought it was a joke until she got a boyfriend and introduced the guy to me. She told the guy I was her cousin and bestie. I tried to stay away from her but I don’t know if it’s an addiction. We will always find a way to meet and do stuff we shouldn’t do.
I was in love with her. But I learned that she wasn’t feeling the same way towards me so I tried to move on. In the last few years, both of us have been in and out of relationships. But we have met every single week to do the do. Sometimes we don’t even talk when we meet, we just get on with it like robots. It’s basically an addiction. She got married last year. She dated the guy for a year and half. I had her to myself the night before her wedding and I’ve had her every week after. She has terminated one pregnancy within this period. She wasn’t sure about the dad and she didn’t want to take any chances. Her husband has no idea. I have been going steady with this girl for four months. She is the closest thing I have had to Nancy. I think for the first time, I am actually falling in love with someone that is not her. I told her I was tired of doing this with her. I told her I wanted to be faithful to my new girl and see how it goes. Nancy got jealous and angry at me.
I don’t understand her. I have tried to date her several times in the past. She always said no to me, but the moment I focus my complete attention to someone else, she gets very jealous. As I type this, I stayed away from her for a week and she came to my house out of the blue and lured me to do something I have fought hard to stop. My girl doesn’t deserve this kind of deception. Her husband doesn’t deserve it, neither do all the people we dated before today. After we were done, she said nothing to me. She just took a shower and left like we did nothing. I am tired of this. This is why I am writing to know what to do next. I’m a believer in God, but I honestly do not believe there is anything spiritual about this. We both started something in our childhood that has affected us greatly.
I’m so used to being the helper in every situation that I can’t see myself opening up to anyone, including a therapist about this issue. It’s too delicate to talk about. It’s too embarrassing. I’m not perfect, but to most people around me, I’m close enough to perfect and I don’t want to break that viewpoint. Nancy’s husband is a good guy. He loves her. I am willing to risk my reputation and all I’ve said about being afraid of opening up to anyone to tell him. He deserves to know that his wife has been sharing me with him for the past year, even before they married. Because I’m close to Nancy and I visit her a lot, he and I have built this rapport and we chat about football and politics a lot. We have graduated from being acquaintances to friends. I don’t know if he is mature enough to handle this truth. I don’t know if I’m ready enough to tell him. I don’t know if Nancy is strong enough to handle the aftermath. What about our families? I don’t even want to imagine what will happen afterwards.
I wish with all my heart that this is one of those secrets to take to the grave, but she is not willing to put an end to it as I am willing so I have to be drastic about it. I have already threatened her several times that I will tell her husband, but she knows me too well that she has dared me. She knows how much I value our family and how this news will affect the family and Adwoa in particular who has been out of the country for years. I have brought the issue here for advice and a way forward. At this point, I deserve any insult I may receive, but I hope to get some comments to help me make a final decision.
(All names used are not the actual names of the people in the story)