I’m a 42 year old woman and I want to share my story to advice my younger sisters and daughters out there about making a choice in marriage. The men are also not left out. I have seen this trend of people elevating looks over every other thing when they’re looking for a life partner. The movies we watch and telenovelas are also not helping at all. I got married at a very young age. I was 21 years. In my case, my parents were not forcing me to marry a rich man to elevate the status of our family. We were comfortable and my dad, God rest his soul was encouraging me to further my education. I went out with some friends when I was around 19 years and I met this tall handsome bodybuilder guy. He approached me and expressed his interest in me. I accepted right there.
I gave him my heart and my virginity. He was 27 years and I believed everything he told me. When I found out that I was pregnant at 21, he wanted me to abort it. At that time, abortion was life-threatening. I knew of people who were rumoured to have tried to abort their babies and died in the process. I wasn’t going to be like that. I informed my parents about the pregnancy. As expected they were angry and disappointed in me. But they accepted it and went to see his family. Both families agreed that we should marry. He wasn’t happy about it, but I was. I have always been in love with him. For the past 21 years, I have tolerated so much. I keep saying that our five children have been my pillar throughout the marriage. I saw all the red flags. He never loved me from the beginning. I was just a young girl he took pleasure in breaking. All I saw was his good looks and height.
My husband has done everything to hurt me. From being caught cheating with househelps to coming home drunk and vomiting all over me next to the bed. Over the years, I have sought refuge more in my in-laws than my own family. They have been supportive and they have been sympathetic towards me and how my husband has been treating me. About 3 years ago, one of my first daughter’s friends approached me and told me that my husband has been making advances towards her anytime she visits my friend and he is home. The lady showed me WhatsApp messages my husband had sent her, promising to take care of her and love her. This is a girl who is the same age as our first born. As for the cheating, I have heard and seen plenty, but that for me was it. I was done, I was just tired of him. Looking back, I should have divorced him that year, but her mother was very persuasive and she kept on telling me to stay for the children.
The children are not children anymore. Three of them are adults and my first daughter encourgaed me early this year to divorce her father. The irony of the whole situation is that the divorce was finalized a week after our 21st anniversary. My now ex husband showed no remorse for his actions and I have learned to take full responsibility for all I endured in the marriage. I am now independent and free and I am happier. I just want to advise every young person out there that the physical attraction will fade. No matter how good looking the person is, you will get so used to his/her looks and the feeling will change. In my case, his attitude even erased the love I had for him. No matter how physically attractive a person is, if they’re attitude stinks, they are unattractive.
When you reach a certain point in marriage, all you will be looking for is peace of mind, friendship and mutual respect. These keep a marriage. It will be a complete waste of time if I went through 21 years of my life married to a monster and not share my bitter experience for others to learn and make the right choice in marriage. Good marriages exist. I have friends in very good marriages. You just have to find someone who is also willing to be faithful, stay committed and respect you as you would want to do to the person. May we make the best decisions in our relationships. God bless you all