Hello Admin, I’m sharing this story because there is a decision I have to make and I need the opinion of readers to help me. As the saying goes, ‘two heads are better than one’. I was dating this girl for close to a year before the issue of pregnancy came into the equation. I’m not one who makes a woman abort a baby. It’s against my beliefs and she was very depressed after finding out about the pregnancy. I was 27, she was 24. I spoke to my family about it and received a lot of bashing and insults, but after everything was settled, my dad and uncles went to officially inform her family and we got married just a month later before she started showing. 14 years later, and we have had two kids after that. An 11-year-old daughter and an 8-year-old son.
It happens that a friend of mine from work told me about doing DNA tests for his children because his neighbour had the shock of his life when he got to know that his children were for somebody else. Thankfully, my friend’s results came and all his 4 kids were his. He was encouraging me to go and do some behind my wife’s back. I used to say there was no need because my kids look like me and I didn’t want to doubt my wife. But eventually, I caved and went to do it on all three of our children without my wife’s knowledge. The first child is not my child, but the other two are. He was the reason I got married to my wife in the first place. It’s not as if I wasn’t serious about her when we were dating, but I would have taken my time to have gotten to know her more before thinking about marriage. Within 10 months of dating, I was forced to marry when the pregnancy came in.
I don’t even want to go into the criticism I received from my family. It was very bad. Even after the wedding, they found ways of making me feel bad. Especially my dad who said I have disgraced him. The news got me very angry. When I got home that night, I knew I will have a very serious and lengthy argument with my wife. I didn’t want to do it in front of the kids so I kept quiet that night although I wanted so bad to talk to her about it and see her reaction. Because of the issue, I didn’t go to work that day. When the kids went to school, I confronted her with the issue and she started shaking, crying and begging me. I lost control of myself because even though she was crying, she wasn’t showing any true remorse for her actions. She said since we were having s*x, the boy could have easily been mine but then she had s*x with her ex for the last because he was going to marry someone else and they were separated because of tribal issues.
I hit her several times and she got very hurt. I have never done that before, but I was hoping the DNA test was a mistake. It hurt me so much that a boy I thought was mine for 14 years wasn’t and that she had lied to me for 14 years. The fact that I hit her became a domestic violence issue and DOVVSU came into it because her family went on to report me even after a lot of talks with my family. The marriage wasn’t working anymore so we got a divorce two years ago. Now, anytime I look at the boy, I am reminded of how my ex-wife deceived me into the marriage. But the boy, who is now 16 years old still calls me ‘Daddy’. He said I will always be his father and although he stays with his mother, he comes to visit me and performs house chores for me.
His biological father has been informed. He is married with 5 children himself and not doing well right now. He is struggling with his finances and he said he doesn’t want to have anything to do with his son. The boy’s mother is just acting indifferent and she doesn’t care. She’s not working and I’m the one taking care of my two kids although they stay with their mother sometimes and come and stay with me sometimes. The boy came to my house to kneel in front of me and cry, begging me to continue being his father. He is in SHS and he was sacked for school fees multiple times. His mother wants him to drop out. I still love the boy and I want to keep taking care of him as my son. But my friend is telling me it’s better we force responsibility on the real father now.
My friend believes I will take care of him and when he grows up and becomes someone, the father will come and take all the glory. Right now, he still writes my name. I want to continue to love him as my own son and take care of him. He can still keep my name because his actual father doesn’t care about him. I want to know if I’m making the right decision or not. Thanks. Sidenote: I want to tell all my fellow men out there to please do a DNA of all your kids. It doesn’t cost much and it will save you a lot of pain in the long run. Take it from someone who has been there.