I’m a 59 year old Senior Accountant looking forward to my retirement next year. I have a problem. I’ve been married for the past 32 years to a loyal woman. I count myself lucky. When I met my wife, I didn’t have anything to my name, but she stuck with me and we started a life together. We have 3 adult children. Our first 2 children are married with their own children. 9 years ago, I was promoted at work and transferred to the Central Region. My wife didn’t like the idea. All these years, she has been used to having me around. I wanted her to come with me but she had to take care of home. Our children were quite old at that time. The oldest was in his early 20s and the younges was 15. But she had to stay behind because of the youngest and the to take inventory of the stores we have in front of our house. We also have taxis and ubers working for us and my wife had to stay in Accra to handle all that.
The company gave me a 2 bedroom building to stay in in the Central Region to start work. The first year, my wife was doing well and coming over during the weekends. But it was stressful for her. It wasn’t easy. I joined this church in my new area and I met this lovely woman there. She was in her 30s and a single mother of 1 girl. I will like to say that we were both vulnerable. She needed money to take care of her child. I needed someone to cook and handle domestic chores for me. I started to invite her to my house and she was good with chores. She will do the laundry before I even asked, she ironed and cooked well too. Just like my wife. She was coming to my house in the mornings and doing things for me and then I’ll pay her before she leaves.
Somewhere along the line, my first daughter got married and had a child and my wife got busy with helping her with the baby. Also coming to Central Region on weekends was too much for her and she stopped coming entirely but we tried to be calling everyday. That’s when the woman I met her came to stay with me. I didn’t keep any secret from her. I told her I was married with adult children and I was here because of work transfer and I’ll probably be here until my retirement. She was okay with it and appreciated that I was honest. She became like my wife. I took care of her and her daughter. We did everything a husband and wife does including having s*x. Because of her, I didn’t miss my wife and I wasn’t lonely. It’s a good thing to know that there’s someone waiting for you when you reach home.
I met my wife when I was 17 and I have never experienced loneliness since then. What I did was risky, letting this woman and her daughter stay with me. My wife could have appeared anytime at where I am. But I knew she would never come all the way without telling me. She knows I get very busy with work and I may not be home. 3 years into my stay in the Central Region, my ‘second wife’ got pregnant and she gave birth to a son. The next 2 years, she gave birth to another boy. Then I got serious with family planning. I went to do a vasectomy. I didn’t tell my wife at home. It wouldn’t matter. I am already old and she was past her monopause, so no kids. I am planning to marry this woman and bring her home with me. I’m retiring next year and my wife still doesn’t know that I have a family here.
To keep things from my wife, I was rather coming home at least once a month. I also didn’t miss the weddings of my first daughter and son. I don’t have the courage to tell her about my other family in the Central Region and everytime I come home, I return feeling heavy and feeling like I have betrayed my wife. We have been together for long. I don’t want my adult children to be disappointed. I’ve updated my will and added my two young children to it to inherit some of my stores and 1 house. But the most of my stuff belong to my wife and grown children. The ‘second wife’ said she is okay whether I marry her or not. As far as I keep taking care of her and the children and give them a decent accommodation. I have an almost complete 3 bedroom house in Accra. I have willed it to my children with her and I want them to come and stay there when I retire. The place I have in the Central Region was given to me by my workplace and I will lose it when I retire.
I want to make the best decision possible so that I don’t create any problems when I’m no more. Is it a good idea to introduce the two mothers of my children? I don’t want to hurt my first wife. She has been through a lot for me even when I didn’t deserve it. My children respect me a lot. I don’t want them to know I have another woman warming my bed. I haven’t married the other woman but I consider her as my second wife. She has been staying with me for 7 years now and she loves me. Can I solve this without any form of conflict?