Hello Admin. I’m a young guy of 21 years and I have messed up. Sometimes suicidal thoughts cross my mind but something holds me back. I want to make this confession for you and your followers to help me. It all started in SHS. I schooled in the Eastern Region. When I came to Form 1, I used hear stories from my school father about how the school changes people. He told me he used to be the chrife type but when he came to the school, some ‘spirit’ in the school fights good things and nothing you do will stop it. He said by the time he realised, he was breaking bounds and sleeping with the town girls anyhow. You can just buy food for them, sometimes indomie and they will take you somewhere to sleep with them. I used to say in my head that I will never do that and I wanted to keep myself.
I never forgot the number of hours my mum sat me down to advice me and pray for me when I was leaving. I was trying to be a good boy but most of the students were always talking about their s*xual experiences with the town girls and they started to get to my head. I still told myself I wont do some, but some of the stories used to draw me to listen to more. I made a friend in our class. He was the timid type. Deep down he wants to do some but his shyness wasn’t helping him. Form 1 was very tough for all of us. But it was in form 2 that I spoilt and destroyed my life. I was there one day when the headmaster sent for me to come to his office. I got scared that I have done something wrong. When I got to the office, my dad and my uncle were there. They took me outside and spoke to me. My mother had died and they didn’t want to tell me through the phone.
I don’t want to blame my mother’s death for my actions later. But it affected me. I started asking God questions and my friends saw how sad I was for a lot of weeks. In a bid to cheer me up, they started forcing me to be breaking bounds with them. When we reach outside, one of our day student friends will meet us and give us shirts to change quickly. Then we will go and drink at a club. Some of my friends were getting girls there and buying them things to go and sleep with them. It became something we were doing. Other groups were also going and we all knew. Everyone just kept quiet. One day one of the groups were caught at the same club we go to. One of them was expelled from the school. The rest received a lot of lashes and they were suspended. It scared us. So for a long time we stopped going.
When we got to Form 3, we were now the seniors and school was boring us so we found another club and started going. That place was in a corner and only customers knew there. It was there that I started smoking cigarettes, weed, pills and doing some other hard drugs I don’t want to mention. It was also there that I started getting some town girls to sleep with. There was this day student who was renting in the area. He stays in Kumasi, but he got late admission to the school and he didn’t get boarding accomodation so he found a single room and rented. His room became our base. We will buy indomie, rice or drinks for the girls and we will go and sleep with them at the guy’s room. He was also doing some. We were always using condom but one time the condom got finished and my other friend and I started doing the pull-out method. We bought condoms again later. But the raw felt better to me so I was still doing pull-out.
The thing about the town girls is that there are many of them and they don’t stress you. They know what you want and it’s easy to get them. By the time I completed SHS, I had lost count of the number of town girls I have had s*x with. My school father used to have a particular girl he was sleeping with, but I was just stupid. I wanted to try as many as I could. I thought I was being dope. I became a bully and I was bullying the form 1s anyhow. I will go and smoke and get high and come and beat a random form 1 guy. I became popular for the wrong things in form 3 and if I mention my nickname, those who went to the school during the time I was there will remember me. I liked how I was feared and I became worse than my school father.
When I completed, My results were not very good to do the admin I wanted to do at Legon. My father got me into a private University. I was trying to change at that time but I couldn’t stop the drugs. My new uni friends didn’t know I was doing drugs. I kept to myself a lot. Around that time I was having a girlfriend in Uni. We used to have s*x a lot but she always made sure we used condom, so I just rolled with it. And then a time came they were doing free medical screening and my girl was forcing me to go with her and so we went. Chale that day eerh, I almost killed myself. It was the day I got to know I was HIV+ I was very stupid. My girl was doing a science-related course so she started educating me on things I can do and about ARVs. She said we should be friends and she wants to help me. But I pushed her away and I got angry and just cut her from my life.
But later I gathered courage and I went for counselling and started ARVs. I started using pills to cope with the depression. It makes me numb and I don’t feel the pain again. Now another girl is showing interest in me. She doesn’t know I am HIV+. We have had s*x and I used a condom but I can’t date her cos of the virus. She said she likes me. Should I date her and use condom all the time without telling her? I have also developed feelings for her but I don’t know what to do.