I got married in 2019. I was having a shop and selling provisions. It wasn’t entirely bad but it was sustaining me and I was getting my daily chop money. My husband was working in a bank. He was one of the accountants and his pay was quite good. When we got married we were maintaining our jobs. But then I got pregnant and then we found out we were going to have twins, a boy and a girl. That’s when my husband suddenly changed. He said I should stop working and stay home because having two babies at once wasn’t going to be easy for us and we should take on the responsibility of taking care of them while he goes to work to bring money home. This idea really started a lot of quarrels between us. The quarrels even continued until I gave birth.
I wasn’t listening to him and I was going to the shop when I was heavily pregnant. I don’t like sitting at home alone doing nothing. One day I went to the shop after my husband left for work only to go and meet a new padlock used to lock the shop. My husband had bought and fixed a new lock maybe that morning or the night before. I had to shamefully return home when the lady from the store across the street told me she saw my husband checking the lock that morning before I came. I waited for him to return in the evening. We had another quarrel and he told me he will never allow me to go to the shop and sell because as a woman, my place is home. I thought he will change his mind after I give birth and the kids start to grow but he has gotten even worse after that.
My parents and his mum are all late. His dad is the only one alive and I didn’t have any help with taking care of the babies as a first-time mum. But I tried my best. My husband left my shop locked for almost two years and a lot of things expired. In the end, he got someone to help him clear the things in the store and rented it out to someone else. He refused to give me even a share of the money he got from renting my shop out and his reason is that he is the one taking care of the house and any amount of money should pass through him. The children have already started creche and I feel so lonely and idle staying home all the time. I am depressed and I feel like I have no purpose. I just want to wake up in the morning knowing I have work to do. That is what I have known all these years. That shop used to be for my mother.
I was helping her sell things in the shop until she died and I took over. When I did a diploma and wasn’t getting a job, I wasn’t bothered because that shop was my source of income. My husband knew I was selling when he met me. We didn’t discuss me being a housewife because I assumed he knew I was working and I wasn’t going to leave that work. He never brought up that question. For him to do this to me is not fair. His father is solidly behind his decision and my siblings don’t have a say in this. They’re also focusing on their lives. I want to advice everyone to make sure they discuss such things before marriage. How do I make my husband reason with me? He making the marriage very bitter and I’m not happy at all. I spoke to my pastor and my husband doesn’t even go to church these days so when the pastor called him to talk, he didn’t go. I feel like I don’t have anyone else to talk to about this issue.
