Some things are meant to last, others are just not meant to. I really believe this saying. 7 years ago, my ex-husband and I officially divorced after being separated for a year. We had some good times, but in the end I was too ambitious for him and he was not willing to allow me to achieve what I wanted to because of his low self esteem and insecurities. 7 years later and I have my Phd, living a good life and taking care of the two children we have together. My husband has since remarried and they have a child together. I have been taking care of our children since I gave birth to them. I was married to him, but I was handling 90% of the expenses at home including the children’s school fees, utilities and feeding. I had a better job than my ex-husband.
Just a year after our divorce, he impregnated another girl and I was at work one day when he called me asking to see me. So I made time for him and we sat to talk. He told me about how his online business was doing bad and he was trying to get it back on track and he needed some money to take care of his new baby. That was the day he informed me about the girl he impregnated. The story was a sad one so I gave him some money to sought himself out and he thanked me for it. Some weeks later he called me and asked for money again. It became a routine until one day I told him I can’t continue like this. Our first born was entering University and he wasn’t even asking about him, about what he eats or his education and school fees. It was so annoying.
He stopped calling, but he started using a different method. He gave my number to his baby mama and she will call me crying and begging for me to send her money because my ex-husband has left me for him. This thing became so serious that I was sending them money almost every month until the child was about two and his mother found a work as a househelp somewhere. To be honest I was glad when I heard he has married again, but my joy has been shortlived. Once again this man has become a burden to me. His new wife caught him cheating and has since separated from him. Surprisingly, his wife is also a career woman with her own job like me and she was the one taking care of home like I was doing.
Now, my ex is back to asking me for money. I have done everything. I’ve blocked him, he knows where I stay, he knows where I work. He knows my family. He went all the way to my mother’s place to beg her to talk to me to find work for me because he says I have the links and I have intentionally decided not to give him a choice which is not true at all. When we got married and the problems started, my brothers even asked what kind of man I have married. He is lazy and always borrowing, yet he doesn’t want a woman to be ‘higher’ than him. The two of us are like oil and water. We are so different that I wonder how we fell in love. Right now, even though his baby mama is off my back, she still calls me occasionally for something small to take care of the child. I’m a mother myself, so I’m always moved with compassion to send the little I have to the child. Meanwhile his father is there and he doesn’t seem to care.
After all of this hardwork, when my children become great people in the future, he will beat his chest and claim them as his children. They will go running to their father because afterall they write his name. I just want to get him off my back. He should just leave me alone. I cannot change my number because I’ve used it for several years and many important people know it. Even if I do, he knows my home and work and he is tied to me because of the children we have. For context, we’re both in our 40s. How would you solve this if you were me?