I DIDN’T EXPECT THIS TREATMENT IN AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE

I’m a 45 year old woman. Ten years ago, my church pastors and elders called me for a meeting after service. Another church member was present at the meeting. I had seen him in church and I knew he was also an active member like I was. He was 38 and unmarried. Our pastor asked me if I was in a relationship with someone and I told him no. He went on to ask the man the same question. Then he told us to get married. I was old and ripe for marriage at 35. My family and friends were always on my neck about when I was going to marry and I hated it. So when the man of God told me that this was the reason for the meeting I was angry. I felt like he was trying to interfere in my life and I didn’t want that. So I walked out of the meeting.

 

Later, I met this man and we spoke. He opened up to me about how unlucky he had been with finding love and being in a long lasting relationship. He told me he was willing to give us a chance and if it doesn’t work, then fine. I told him I’ll think about it and I did. I had to face the reality that I was growing and no man was approaching me with that intention, so this may be my last chance because I really wanted to get married and have my own kids. I’ve always wanted that. So some months later, I told him I will marry him. We weren’t friends, we didn’t date to know our character, likes and dislikes. This is usually not the norm and it was a very risky thing we did.

 

Ten full years later and we’re here. We have two boys and one girl. We are very happy and deeply in love. The first year was the most difficult. We had a lot of problems, but my husband will always say that he is committed to me and we are doing this till death, so he tolerated all my annoying attitude. A little advice to my ladies. If you can, marry a quiet man ooo. Especially if you are the loud type. I know I gave him a lot of headache, but he was patient with me and I came to my senses. I accepted him as my husband. The more I spent time with him, the more the love grew. This was a man I wasn’t feeling anything for from the beginning so I started acting someway to discourage him. But he was patient with me.

Love is not always that butterfly feeling. Sometimes it can grow if only two people are willing to work out their differences and be humble enough to learn from their mistakes. We did a lot of post-marital counselling to help us with that. I know how to tell my husband I am sorry and he does that too. I never knew I will find a good man to marry especially after I hit 33 and the pressure was becoming too much on me. But I thank God he answered my prayers. I’ve always hated arranged marriages because I believed that everyone should be given the chance to choose the person they love. So I went into this marriage very unsure. I didn’t expect that I will be happy and develop genuine love for my husband as I have now.

 

I’m not saying that everyone should let their pastors or families arrange a marriage for them. Far from that, but love can be built and nurtured, so sometimes you may not feel anything for someone from the start. Give the person a chance and see. I hope my story helps someone out there to make a good decision.